There’s a cess-pit of bad football films out there.

Of course, the discerning viewer will recognise that Any Given Sunday rises above the sentiment and excrement that makes up 90% of the movies in this drama.

It’s a great film. There’s plenty of old-school Pacino filth and grit in there.

And there’s that one, iridescent moment that builds slowly without you even knowing it, until BAM, it’s there, and you know you’re looking at the pinnacle of the movie.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s the Inches Speech. The one that film critics praise as the most convincing Hollywood pep-talk on celluloid.

This one:

CLICK HERE for true glory

Sumos…Big hands = big slaps

Anyone who knows a thing or two about the intricacies and nuances of life as a Sumo Wrestler (pfft, who doesn’t?) will understand that the Sumo is a creature bred for power, weight, and a surprising degree of flexibility.

But they’re definitely not bred for texting, or email, or any other action that involves a moderate degree of fine-finger motor skills. Piano Concertos, for example, are completely out.

Read the rest of this entry »

www.magicmomentsfc.com

If you’re pining for a post-World Cup pickmeup, the fine men behind Magic Moments FC have it for you. The “A Team”, as they’re modestly called, are not only incredibly skilled at re-creating the greatest Football World Cup goals in history, but they’re also intelligent, smart, and devilishly good-looking. And you can be, too, if you catch a glimpse of their mastery. The troupe is comprised of Gil “Mad Fresh Flores, Eric “2-Scoops” Anderson, Omar “Bob” Martins, Jim “Redwood” Greco, and Barry “The Swan” Swantzon, pictured below.

Just look at it. But not for too long. The greatness could blind you. As it is, I’m having to write this with a soldering mask on.

But don’t take my word for it, check out their teaser video below.

CLICK HERE to score

It is beyond me that something is not being done about the prawn epidemic on a government level. For something that started in the coffee shops of Cape Town, to have spread across the globe as far as Japan, London, Venezuela and Putney, I think the urgency of the matter could never be greater.

Especially now that it has gone further than just big city centers, and moved to untouched places of beauty, including Malawi!

This from our intrepid 2oceansvibe Travel Writer, Tony B:

Dearest Seth

It is with deep concern and trepidation that I send you this information, as it has global consequences…

I recently had the great pleasure of a little sojourn to the idyllic beaches of lake Malawi, the warm heart of Africa.

Days were spent without a care, enjoying the sun, warm waters of the lake, smiling locals, Carlsberg greens, and of course the world famous Malawi gold.

One morning, while minding my own business on the beach, a shadow crept across the sand, blocking my sun. I looked up expecting to see my friend, Mr Fantastic, approaching with yet another cob that he had fetched from his grandfather who grew the best stuff way up in the mountains.

You can imagine my absolute horror when I raised my bloodshot eyes to meet the scaly gaze of a fully grown Malawian Prawn!

Now, being miles from the nearest tar road, and surrounded by soft cushioning sand, I had to assume that this was a new breed of Prawn, and nervously enquired it’s name. “Chicane Pisa” was the reply I got.

Confused, it took me a while to realise that this particular Prawn seemed to have tucked into the local gold himself and confused munchies with name, where he got it from I could not tell, as there was definitely no “chicken pizza” anywhere to be seen.
On his shirt he had the words “Ask me the million dollar que$tion”. I was stuck for words at that time, and it was only after he sauntered off that I realised what the million dollar question must be:

Read the rest of this entry »

If you haven’t caught it by now, you should be made aware (as featured in yesterday’s 2oceansvibe Morning Spice headlines) of the new ad by Gillette, featuring Roger Federer hitting a tennis ball and knocking a can off someone’s head. It reminds me of the time I did a fly-kick and kicked a bottle of Handy Andy off Mavis’s head while she was ironing. Now that was epic.

Anyway, the ad has gone (what I call) “viral” and has now been watched over 2 million times.

Pretty impressive, hey? Not really. Not if you compare it to the original video which Gillette clearly ripped off. Which video is that, you ask? Come now, let’s not play silly buggers – you all know which video I am talking about. It’s no big deal, it’s only been watch 41,000 times.

It is, of course, the video of The TBG (Tall Blonde Guy), throwing a can, backwards, into the bin. This, on his first take. He did it before the camera was turned on, just for shits and giggles. But then the cameraman turned the camera on and asked if he thought he could do it again.

Please, give me a break.

TBG, over to you..

Try and argue the fact that he is not a divine being. Just try argue that point.

We’re standing by for an apology from Gillette. Or at least an acknowledgement that they stole the idea from the TBG and 2oceansvibe in general.

Online encyclopedia and paragon of humankind’s collective knowledge, WikiPedia, has proven it’s unbridled accuracy once again.

Remember the story about WikiPedia referring to Sepp Blatter as a dickhead? And how the South African presidency made the fatal error of pulling that corrupted biographical info from WikiPedia and pasted it on their site?

Well, we hope no ones been researching a biography of All Black rugby captain Richie McCaw, because would you darned well believe it, there might be a small typo on his WikiPedia page involving marriage, extra-marital affairs, and Os Du Randt.

CLICK HERE for TRUTH!

Do you remember the name Larissa Riquelme? You should do – she was quite possibly the most famous supporter during the 2010 World Cup.

She also happens to be a lingerie model.

Funny that..

Larissa Riquelme – Paraguay’s most passionate supporter

Larissa promised to strip naked if Paraguay won the World Cup and, as you might recall, they didn’t win.

But that doesn’t stop her from being a good sport!

Miss Riquelme has done the right thing and celebrated her body in a recent pictorial which is just perfect for Tuesday Tabs.

Follow the link to check it out!

A friendly warning to those of you who are offended by the human body and/or those of you working for employers who abuse you and treat you like children – the following images are “NSFW.”

Read the rest of this entry »

The North Korean football team, along with it’s entire complement of staff, were recently subjected to a “grand debate”, to discuss the tender matter of their ideological betrayal of their nation.

The players were hoofed up on stage, and the big daddys spanked them for about six hours.

I was actually there at the time. Kim invited Seth to award a few coal mining scholarships to toddlers with promising-looking hands, but he was unavailable, so I stepped into the breach.

I didn’t actually realise that this particular part of the programme was coordinated mass humiliation, though.

CLICK HERE for righteous anger

Seth posted this footage of a man allegedly trying to steal the World Cup (that’s right, the trophy) at the 2010 Fifa World Cup final at Soccer City on July 11.

Some of you were kind enough to point out that “a man” was actually Jimmy Jump, a 34 year old professional pitch invader and downright flamboyant Spaniard.

Jimmy Jump’s real name is Juame Marquet Cot, and apparently his main intention was to place a barretina on the shiny scalp of the trophy – the red beany-like hat is a spanish symbol of freedom, liberty, and presumably, naked running.

What’s more, all indications are that this last stunt was Jimmy’s final Jump, and he’s hanging up his barretina for good.

With that in mind, please enjoy an overview of Jimmy’s illustrious jumping career.

CLICK HERE for the jump (get it?)

Just cruising over the sand in funny shoes. It’s one thing taking off your helmets (ta) but, let’s face it, that doesn’t make it ok..

Not ideal – taking your overseas guests for a lunch and exposing them to a pair of balls on a sunny weekend.

Or your kids – let’s not forget about the kids out there.

Mark my words – in five years time the law will see this in the same light as flashing.

[thanks peter]

You know AB De Villiers, the South African cricket team’s star batsman?

Well, he’s singing now – the recorded kind. And, best of all, he’s making music videos for his moer lekker treffers.

In his powerful ballad, titled Maak Jou Drome Waar (“Make Your Dreams Come True), AB teams up with previously obscure but presumably popular generic Afrikaans “musician”, Ampie Du Preez to bring you an avalanche of hope, fist-clenching and standing around a strong jet of water to the point of looking intense.

This is solid gold, folks, and there’s just too much to write in one sitting. So we’re going to play a little game of pretend, OK? Pretend we’re side by side, watching Maak Jou Drome Waar. Are you ready? Take note of the keen insights below, they correspond directly to moments of sheer power/beauty/awe/confusion in the video.

Also, when we’re done, let’s pretend for AB’s sake that this never happened.

CLICK HERE to make your dreams come true

Love him or hate him, but mostly hate him, Sepp Blatter was the lucky recipient of the Order of the Companions of OR Tambo, bestowed upon his reverend person by the magnanimous nation of South Africa.

Well, alright then. You diplomats brown nose each other in whichever way you prefer.

But, oh sweet heavens, how were we so lucky to deserve this?

Wikipedia vandals and a lazy South African presidency clerk have unwittingly conspired to officially list Sepp Blatter as “dickhead”.

Seriously.

I’ll tell you how.

Read the rest of this entry »

Cyclist Thrown Off Tour For Headbutting Rival - Australian Mark Renshaw paid the price for his team’s win-at-all-costs approach to the Tour de France 11th stage on Thursday when he was excluded from the race for headbutting. Iin the final 500 metres of the 184.5km stage from Sisteron, the normally affable Australian lost his head when he tried to headbutt Garmin-Transitions’ Kiwi lead-out man Julian Dean three times. [afp + video]

Bill & Hillary’s New $11Million House – Looks like Bill and Hillary Clinton are moving to this intense 7,000 square-foot house in the Westchester town of Bedford Hills. It’s got a stable and everything! The 20-acre property the Clintons are said to be buying comes complete with a totally useless pond/fountain, pool, wine cellar, and artist’s studio for whenever Bill feels like picking up the watercolors again. Check out the pics after the jump. Might need some redecorating .. [gawker]

Oil Stops Flowing Into Gulf For First Time – A happy milestone for the Gulf of Mexico: BP says oil has stopped gushing into the water for the first time since its rig exploded 3 months ago. “It’s too early to celebrate,” said exec Doug Suttles, noting that the company has hours of testing to conduct before determining for sure that its new cap will hold. Ja, don’t count your chickens before they hatch, my bru. [newser]

MTN Boss Gets R33Million - MTN Group shareholders approved a R33m windfall for outgoing boss Phuthuma Nhleko on Thursday. The settlement, which will be due in a once-off sum, is payable on April 1 2011 and is in respect of a three-year restraint of trade. This dwarfs the R7m paid to Alan Knott-Craig when he exited Vodacom Group in 2008. Yes it certainly does. But it’s still less than this weekend’s EuroLottery jackpots! [koos]

Dramatic Rise In “Smartphone” Car Radio Listenership – Radio listening via a ’smartphone’ is becoming ever more popular, according to figures released today by the organisation that monitors radio listening behaviour in the UK. Says RAJAR, some 20 per cent of smartphone owners – or 1.4 million people – have downloaded an application that enable them to listen to a radio service via their smartphone. Not surprising, given the FM signal is shutting down in 5 years in the UK. [allmediascot]

Apple Engineer Warned Steve Jobs About iPhone 4 Antenna – Well I tell you what I’m quite pleased I went for the iPad rather than the iPhone 4, at this stage of the game. Latest news on the antenna problems are that a top Apple Inc. antenna expert (kiff job) voiced concerns to Big Steve in the early phases of the iphone 4’s design process. He warned it might drop calls. Oh dear. Personally, I wouldn’t mind – I don’t do phone calls.. [bloomberg]

Pink Goes To Hospital After Stunt Goes Wrong – The 30-year-old singer, who is famous for her acrobatic stage routines, fell out of a harness high above the stage during a particularly difficult move as part of her Funhouse tour. Pink was then rushed off stage and taken to a nearby hospital by ambulance. However, the singer quickly took to her Twitter page to reassure fans who were left terrified by the dramatic accident. Cntd..[dailymail]

World Celebrates With Madiba – Anti-apartheid hero Nelson Mandela celebrates his 92nd birthday at home with his family on Sunday, just one week after the Soccer World Cup showed off the successes of democratic South Africa. “The man who has suffered so much and who, when he came out [of jail] set out to bring peace, solidarity and humanity, he had a dream, and his dream was to see the World Cup in his country,” Fifa president Sepp Blatter said this week. [mail&guardian]

Tycoon Will Pay French Burka Ban Fines – A French property tycoon enraged at his government’s plans to ban women from wearing the full veil in public has promised a fund of €1m (£830,000) to help any Muslim who is fined for wearing the niqab in the street.Rachid Nekkaz, a businessman of Algerian origin who launched a short-lived campaign in the 2007 presidential elections, has already put €200,000 into a bank account aimed at bailing out women who find themselves on the wrong side of the new law. [guardian]

In a First, Full-Sized Robo-Copter Flies With No Human Help – In mid-June, a single-turbine helicopter took off from a test field in Mesa, Arizona, avoided obstacles during flight, scoped out a landing site and landed safely. It’s the kind of flight choppers have made tens of thousands of times before. Except this time, the helicopter did it entirely on its own — with no humans involved. It was the first fully autonomous flight of a full-sized chopper, ever. Quite mean.. [wired]

David Cameron Condemns Dead Fugitive Sympathy – Facebook said it would resist MPs’ calls to remove a page set up in honour of Raoul Moat, the fugitive who shot his former girlfriend, her boyfriend and a police officer before killing himself after he went on the run for a week. David Cameron condemned public sympathy for Moat today and described the gunman as a “callous murderer”. General whinging on the mud island. Surely not? [guardian]

New Ford And GM Cars Will “Talk” To Google Maps – Google’s “Send-To-Car” feature lets users send destinations from Google Maps directly to their vehicles. This feature previously worked with BMW and Audi vehicles, and now Google has extended its partner base for the program to Ford and GM. We have the same thing in Cape Town that helps you find your way. We’ve had the techonology for quite some time here. It’s called “Table Montain.” [mashable]

Tracy Morgan Chats About Mel Gibson – Sandwiched in between talking about the quest to find his biological father and his new motorcycle, Morgan gave his thoughts on the seemingly endless supply of Mel Gibson rants. Explaining why the tapes are selling like hotcakes in Compton, Morgan joked, “Calling women b-tches and using the N-word. That ain’t nothing but hip-hop…He stole that concept from Lil’ Wayne.” [huffers]

It’s that time of year again, as we welcome the shores of Jeffreys Bay to some of the hottest surfers on the planet. And yes, that does include Christian Kevin Kelly Slater and Wilbur Jordy Smith!

2oceansvibe Character, The Surfer, has been in the water over the last few days for his photoblog, “Welcome To The Circus” on the Magic Seaweed surf website.

Check it out:

It’s been a while, months even, since Brazil’s leg of the World Tour and with swell queueing up at J-Bay and axe hanging heavy over those who fail to perform the stage is set.J-Bay is a wave the locals do well on, it might look like the perfect point but it can section like a bendy bus making knowledge of what the sand’s been doing key. A bit of pre event training goes down pretty well here hence why the competitors tend to turn up early.

Whether you’re into surfing or not I suggest you CLICK HERE to read more and check out the Top 20 most sickest shots he has taken so far. Or should I say mondo? I think they are”mondo” more than “sick.” Or maybe we should join the two words? The pics are effing “sondo,” dude.

*cough* sorry, not my best..

I heard about this around town but couldn’t find any footage of it – you know, the story about the guy who ran across the pitch before the start of the World Cup final. So instead of finding it myself, the footage found me! In the form of an email from 2oceansviber, Chris V.

[Everybody] “Thanks Chris!”

Madman runs to steal the World Cup – but does he make it?

The guy got an elbow to the jaw – but did he manage to get his hands on the thing before?

Were the officials quick enough to stop him?

All will be revealed!

Check out the footage after the jump:

Read the rest of this entry »

We’ve debated it, we’ve dealt with it, we’ve heard that it’s really bad for your hearing (well, we actually read that, we’re completely void to the world of sound now). Hell, we’ve exported it to the world.

There is only one last thing to ask of the vuvuzela.

Read the rest of this entry »

Cycling fans out there must be rock-hard when looking at this pic of Lance Armstrong’s new helmet. And if not, they will be when I tell them that this new helmet gives Lance 20-30 grams less “drag.”

Lance Armstrong’s new helmet – picked up on Gizmodo website

Apparently:

[A concept] that has a short tail that tucks in the area between Armstrong’s scapulae. With a head-on wind, it’s slightly faster than Giro’s previous models, but in any crosswind condition, it’s considerably faster –- about 20 to 30 grams less drag. Also, the rider is able to move more easily with the helmet on.

That’s awesome! You know – if you’re into that kind of vibe.

For me, there was something even more awesome about the article I found on Gizmodo. And it wasn’t in the actual article, it was in the comments section.

Wanna know what it said?

HAAAAH! Beautiful..

Read the rest of the helmet story and the comments HERE.

Shock Decision – Paul The Octopus Picks Spain

Paul The Octopus STUNS Germany And Picks Spain To Win Semifinals – Paul, a brilliant German octopus, has impressed fans worldwide with his uncanny ability to correctly predict the outcome of Germany’s World Cup games. Most recently, the omniscient octopus selected the Germans to beat favored Argentina. He was right again, improving his track record to an unbelievable five for five. [huffers]

Netherlands Pip The Hand-Ball Kings - The Netherlands will face either Spain or Germany in the Final of the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa™ after beating Uruguay by the odd goal in five in the first of the tournament’s semi-finals at Cape Town’s Green Point Stadium. Bert van Marwijk’s side were worthy of their victory but were made to work hard for it in an eventful last four encounter punctuated by excellent goals. [fifa]

Mel Gibson’s Has Some Bad Photos To Add To Those Audio Tapes - Oksana Grigorieva not only has Mad Mel’s vile and profane rants on tape, but she is also sitting on potentially explosive photos that will show her bloodied and bruised after a confrontation with the Oscar-winner, according to a close confidante. Grigorieva apparently received two black eyes and had two front teeth knocked out. Charming. [radar]

Caster Semenya Is A Woman! – Caster Semenya was cleared to immediately return to track by the sport’s governing body Tuesday, ending an 11-month layoff while she underwent gender tests after becoming the 800-meter world champion. Semenya is allowed to keep running as a woman, although it is unclear if she has had any medical procedure or treatment during her time away. Welcome back…babe! [associated]

Lindsay Lohan Is Going To Jail For 90 Days – Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in jail yesterday, followed by a 90-day in-patient rehab program for violating probation on a previous DUI case. Lohan broke down in tears as Judge Marsha Revel revealed her decision. Lohan must surrender to the court on July 20 at 8:30am to begin serving her time. Her mother tuned reporters that “This is so not fair to do this to my child.” [popeater]

The Queen Wears Crystal-Studded 3D Glasses - Queen Elizabeth II has become the highest-ranking dignitary to be photographed in 3D glasses. She wore the 3D glasses for a demonstration of film technology during a visit to studios in Toronto, Canada. The Queen brought her own customised set with Swarovski crystals forming the letter Q on the sides. [luxuo]

Bomb Scare At The Waterfront - A part of the crowded V&A Waterfront in Cape Town was cordoned off on Tuesday night after two suspicious-looking carry bags were found outside the Mitchell’s Waterfront Brewery. Sniffer dogs were brought in and they decided to destroy the bags in controlled explosions Turns out the bags had books in them. Carelessly, this report does not state what the books were about. [koos]

iTunes And Apple App Store HACKED! - The first signs of trouble happened over the holiday weekend when two app developers noticed their apps in the books category started dropping in the popularity rankings – dramatically. It quickly became obvious that a “farm” of rogue apps were getting some sort of artificial boost. But that isn’t the worst of it, money was disappearing too.. [inc]

Hot Russian Spy Was Obsessed With Princes William & Hazza - Anna Chapman was fixated with princes William and Harry and schemed her way into their social circle. She frequented Boujis, the nightclub haunt of the two young royals, where repeated concerns have been raised about their safety. Now officials at MI5 are urgently investigating whether a security risk was posed by Anna, 28, one of 10 alleged Kremlin spies arrested in the US. [mirror]

Telkom Give Pathetic Argument To Stay With Capped Broadband – In what must be the worst marketing strategy ever conceived in South African history, Telkom has tried to sway internet users away from uncapped packages. The company claimed in their newsletter that uncapped packages are subject to a variety of terms and conditions, and that capped packages represented better value for money. [iafrica]

“King Of All Cars” Tops 267 MPH – The Bugatti Veyron is, once again, the fastest production car on the planet. Bugatti says an orange-and-black Veyron 16.4 Super Sport achieved an average top speed of 267.8 mph at the hands of test driver Pierre Henri Raphanel. Stop and think about that for a moment. That’s more than 393 feet per second and almost 4.5 miles per minute. Even Bugatti’s engineers were surprised. [wired]

Pommie Killer On The Loose, Threatens To Shoot Cops – I should just warn this fellow, Raoul Moat, that everything will end in tears. This, after he shot his ex-girlfriend, killed her boyfriend and then posted Facebook messages up on Facebook, taunting the police and warning them that he wants to take them out. And when I say “take them out,” I don’t mean for a three-course-meal.. [telegraph]

Kendra Talks About Meth Use And Sex With Hugh Hefner – Well if you ever wanted to know what it’s like to make love to an old man, now you have your chance. Kendra Wilkinson is launching a new book called something or other and has, in a live TV interview, disclosed information about her previous meth use and sex with Hef. Wonderful. [jezebel]

[thanks ard, landi]

No spice, the Dutch soccer team needs a place to stay.

While the Uruguayans were getting an undeserved peaceful night’s sleep in Newlands (despite a small Twitter campaign calling for Capetonians to please “not” blow vuvuzelas and bang drums outside their rooms), the dutchies were bumming around the Cape of Good Hope looking for a place to stay after Dutch team management underestimated the team’s progress in the tournament.

The Dutch Football Association (KNVB) only made reservations in Johannesburg’s Sandton Hilton hotel up until July 5 – and their home from home is now fully booked.

Keep reading if you’re feeling charitable.

Read the rest of this entry »

I got this video clip from a reader. It looks pretty real but I don’t recognise which stadium it is.

Is that Cape town?

Were you there? Does anyone know anything about this?

You can see the plane flying off at the end. Did you catch that?

[thanks reese]

National Geographic doing things properly..

CLICK PIC TO ENLARGE

Nice guys… REAL nice.

[thanks craig]

Amazon sales of the vuvuzela have increased 1000% – did you know that? But that’s not all – The first vuvuzela was blown in Camps Bay by Christian Stewart in the late 50’s – did you know that?

Ok, I was kidding about one of those statements. But which one is it? Check out the vibe below and find out.

Well done, vuvuzela data mining people.