The greatest TV show of your life
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I get scared when I write articles like these. When I am so fucking excited about something that I KNOW I simply have to tell you but am too scared to write - frightened at the prospect of surely not being able to describe the happiness and bubbling that I feel inside when I think about it. I'm talking about a TV series overseas called Entourage.
I remember as a kid being so excited about whatever devilish caper I was involved in the time, that I would get a bone. It was purely from the excitement (and to be clear, I have never, to this day, been turned on by pouring salt into a sugar bowl). I had probably never realised that being naughty could fill one's body with so many bubbles of excitement. The feeling was all so undiscovered. It's quite obvious what was happening. My brain was growing at the time, trying to accommodate this new unlearnt sensation that it was trying to pump back at me. It was all happening too fast and, at the risk of my head exploding, the blood was transferred into my penis, resulting in a (let's face it) magnificent erection. The human body is an amazing thing; as we grow older and are no longer excited about things that used to blow our minds, we slowly come to the realisation that sex is the only thing that we really get excited about anymore. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you (God willing) get a bone before sex.
Having explained that, I am now able to describe, in words, the happiness I felt when I watched Entourage...........Quite simply, I got a bone.
It's a big image I showed you there. Those of you who have had the privilege of watching Entourage would probably want it bigger than that.
I'll tell you right now that this article is not going to end anytime soon. So if you're quickly scanning over this, you're wasting your fucking time. Minimise the fucker and come back when you have a moment - because I want you to listen to this shit.
I was at some sort of a wedding or housewarming or childwarming or bar mitzvah or engagement the other day and I ran into Boozer. Boozer is always a great crowd so I gave him thirty minutes. We laughed, we cried - and then the defining moment came. He told me that he had something that I would like. A DVD set. A series. Like 24. Or Lost. Or Desperate Housewives. But better. The best, apparently. He said it was called Entourage and it was RIGHT up my street. I thought back to my 2006 Strengthening Ties Tour and remembered The English US PR Guy telling me that it was imperative that I get my hands on Entourage. (I can't believe I'm doing that whole italics thing every time I type the word Entourage - God, it's so emboerrissing.)
I asked if I could borrow it and he said it should be fine - because he got it from Forbsie who had bought it in the States . I would normally panic at this stage - when someone kind of promises you something - but it hinges on the permission of another. Not this time.
I have run into Forbsie from time to time over the years. We've never really had a good chat, but we're smart enough to give each other horns when we see each other. We're from different "groups" but Boozer vouches for both of us, so you've got a pretty decent litmus test right there. There was never a good bonding moment for Forbsie and I, so we didn't push it. There was no need - it was a bit of a given that our day would come. I would like to thank Entourage for giving myself and Forbsie a connection.
I warned Boozer that The P.A. was fucking lethal and, if I set her a task to get something for me, it would be got. Boozer assured me that he was done with Entourage Series 1 and that I could have it. Piglet received the new assignment on Monday morning : "Get Boozer's number from the file (we keep a file on everyone - even you) and acquire the DVD set." Not since the 2005 retrieval of my Piz Buin (factor eight) from The Photographer had such a rigid task been set. Six in the morning sms's to Boozer seemed to be the only way to get the boy to remember to take the merchandise to work for the handover. (Our boy was at Incestec in town at the time and subsequently left - as they invariably do).
I took possession of the goods and went home, triumphant, to the Paris Hilton house. The Fabrics Guy was frothing at the mouth in anticipation as I frisbee 'd the DVD across the room directly into the DVD player (we like to keep the DVD player open for stunts like these).
Boozer was right - it was perfect.
The show is about Vince "Vinny" Chase (played by Devil Wears Prada's Adrian Grenier), an up-and-coming film star and his close friends that stick by his side during his rise to stardom. The show is produced by Mark Wahlberg and is apparently loosely based on his life. Anyway, Vince gives each of his buddies jobs to do so they can justify abusing (all very aware) the spoils of their friend's new found fame. They all get plenty action, with our boy, Vinny, completely cleaning up. He takes prime picking and leaves the boys to fight over the other stars and supermodels in the VIP areas. They all just COMPLETELY FUCK AROUND THE WHOLE TIME. It's HILARIOUS! Do we want ANYTHING more than this to watch?
His one buddy, Turtle (Jerry Ferrara), becomes the driver and fucks around all day in the Hummer or the Rolls. Eric "E" (Nicky Hilton's ex, Kevin Connolly) becomes his manager and becomes pretty good at it. Then there his older brother, Johnny "Drama" Chase who came pretty close to fame as an actor a few years back, but didn't get much further after his show "Viking's Quest" got cancelled. He keeps thinking he is a big deal but only gets freaks and weirdo's coming up to him to talk about Viking's Quest. But sometimes he gets a brain-dead bombshell and abuses the situation. But let me tell you the funniest thing about this guy........ HE IS MATT DILLON'S BROTHER IN REAL LIFE - Kevin Dillon. So he is basically playing a role that he IS in real life. It's too much to comprehend. He comes close to stealing the show.
The sideshow to the main crew, with his incredibly unstable marriage, is Vinny's agent, Ari (played by Jeremy Piven). I say "sideshow", but he pretty much steals the show. He is a fucking lunatic, throwing out one liner's like a whore. In the one episode he gives his special brand of motivation, with the instruction, "Knock off the hippie shit, strap on a helmet, and start shooting". He is SUCH a prick. You will LOVE him.
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"Vinny" |
Turtle |
"E" |
"Drama" |
"Ari" |
The show has extended cameos by various well known stars. For example, in one episode, they go to a house party at Jessica Alba's house. She is there, acting as herself. In the one episode Vinny gets his buddy/manager, "E", to get him Scarlett Johansson's phone number. He gets it for him - Vinny and Scarlett hook up. Then they throw in CURVEBALLS who you LOVE, like Gary Busey and Bob Saget. Bob Saget, now a washed up TV star, just gets FUCKED the whole time. The show is SO addictive, I couldn't stop watching.
Back to present day.........The Outside Centre had a bar mitzvah of sorts at his shed in Kommetjie. Boozer was there. I chiseled out another half an hour for him. We got talking about Entourage, as the likes of Nick Goldblatt came closer, intrigued as to what all the excitement was about. Boozer informed me that he had just completed Series 2 (also from Forbsie). I confirmed that he could expect a call from The P.A. on Monday morning. Nick Goldblatt, dick in hand, insisted that he should take delivery of Series 1 from me at the same time.
The next week saw incredible coordination by all parties involved, as the double handover went ahead as perfectly and precisely as a small child through butter. The P.A. orchestrated the delivery of Series 1 from me to Nick Goldblatt, and Series 2 from Boozer to me. Nick Goldblatt even found himself using 'the zebra' to acquire a brand new multi-zone DVD player. He uses the old one as an ashtray now.
All of us have now completed Series 1 and 2 (as they get better and better) and I am waiting for delivery of Series 3 which I have pre ordered on Amazon. Forbsie, I'll call you when I'm done with it.
I don't know how long these things take to get to South Africa, but MNET better wake the fuck up, because people need this shit in their lives.
[But then.....]
STOP. DON'T PANIC!! I have just found Season 1 and 2 online for purchase in South Africa. Check this out. It's easier than you thought!
Don't worry about a thing - I have made it very easy for you. That is why I am here. For you. To make you happier.
I adore you, Goddamn it!
Follow these links below... It'll change your life.
CLICK BELOW TO BUY DVD'S ONLINE IN SOUTH AFRICA.
SERIES 3 HAS ARRIVED - CLICK HERE
2oceansvibe characters mentioned in this article, and in future, can be viewed in all their glory on the 2oceansvibe characters page. (Also available via the left menu)
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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