(sung to the tune of Duran Duran's 'Notorius')
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It can be quite fun on your own, interacting with the different characters and places as you kill time in your day. I have, for example, found myself INSIDE the Long Street Baths before, as I killed time waiting for my car to get washed. A little surprise awaited me inside the building I had seen my whole life and never been inside. I'll tell you about that another time. Mind fuck.

A similair time-killer thing happened to me last week. I had to drop off a kettle in Constantia (don't ask) and was scanning the horizons to find an investigative opportunity to make-great this rather bland trip to 'the other side' (o' the mountain). I came down the road that runs past Victoria Hospital in Wynberg and, on my left, noticed a sign/logo on the back wall of a building reading "Hemporium".

What the fuck is "Hemporium"? I've seen the logo / clothing-brand for many years but never managed to piece it together. What are they trying to prove with their marijuana influence? Are they trying to prove that stoned people can make clothes too? And why are they making clothes out of weed anyway? Are they even legal? I had half an hour to kill. These questions, and more, had to be answered immediately.

[Theme-setting 'Murder She Wrote' theme music playing in background]

Like some sort of an excited German Tourist enquiring about the Lion's Head flora and fauna, I walked into the Hemporium shop.

Ok, hemp MUST be linked to Microsoft Windows because I have never seen ANYTHING multi-task like this before. I walked into a perfectly modern quality sofa lounge setting. With a table, sofas, rug, scatter cushions, paintings, blinds, coffee table book and everything else you would expect in this perfectly modern quality sofa lounge setting. 'Ell (do you put a capital there, Sir?), there were even CD covers lying around. I requested a chat with one of the owners, Tony. He ORDERED A BEER (Jeepers Hudders! It was a Friday) and proceded to tell me that everything I could see in the room was made of hemp (I nearly said 'beer' there. That really would have ballsed up the story. It's practically impossible to make a table out of beer) - including the CD boxes - which looked like proper plastic CD covers. He gave me some nuts - made of Hemp.

The gentleman gave me a Hemporium pair of socks which produced a knee-jerk "so you CAN smoke your socks" comment. Before I could start the comment he gave a resounding, "No, you CAN'T smoke these socks". So basically I discovered the reason Tony was not a stoned monkey by 10am everyday, was because this stuff is legal in these forms. The smoking part of weed came after the practical uses. A brief investigation into the vast history of the material enlightened me to the fact that the Afrikaans word for a shirt is 'hemp'. We always knew that, but we didn't know it was called that because in the old days T-shirts were made of hemp! Crikey! You learn something every day, kids! A look into the past law making procedures show that the law banning the 'raw ownership and smoking' of the product, never really had a strong enough argument. But that's another story all together. Basically there are major costs that could be saved in various industries, just through the use of environmentally friendly hemp. Something quite important for growing nations, I'd say.

I got really serious back there. Sorry.

All of the bags, shirts, pants etc. really are quality stuff - stronger than any other product you'll buy. Quality, trendy, durable stuff. Each with a secret pocket hidden where you'd never expect it (Wynberg station should provide you with something to put in there).

So there you have it! Hemporium has appeared into my life and I've even decided to put their logo on the site (linking to their website), thus giving it the 2oceansvibe seal of approval. Everyone needs to have a look at this shop - you'll like it. Have a Friday beer there. Or a Saturday morning breakfast at Parks Cafe (Surely a Constantia/Claremont favourite?).

I'll tell you when I find a place where everything is made of mushrooms.

Be safe, kids.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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