Now THIS got me excited..
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I make various notes on my phone at night time during my sleep. You know those moments when you wake up and think of something brilliant that you want to remember? Something you want to write down because it seems just brilliant? Usually to do with making enough money to buy that desperately needed learjet, but also just things you want to remember to do - like trimming your pubes.

Sleeping beauty (absolute bitch - FACT) was too stoned to make notes

Then you realise you don't have a pen and as sure as fuck you're not going looking around the house (or boat, if you're reading this on Paul Allen's yacht, Octopus) at one in the morning. It really is a brilliant idea and you know it'll make a fortune. So you convince yourself that you will remember it and you say it over and over again in your head.

"Build a Woolworths in Camps Bay."

"Build a Woolworths in Camps Bay."

"Build a Woolworths in Camps Bay."

"Build a Woolworths in Camps Bay."

Then, in the morning, excitedly, you begin planning your new life as a billionaire. But you can't remember a fucking thing.

Absolutely NOTHING.

You're fucked.

Put on your tie - you're late.

Cock.

You see I don't do that - I keep a pen and paper next to my bed. And when I don't, I just use the voice recorder on my HTC TYTN II. It's one-touch. I just hold one button and it starts recording. (They should have mentioned this in The Secret, instead of focusing on ways to score chicks).

"Seth frequently forgets that he made a note in his sleep and usually stumbles upon it a few days later - often resulting in hilarious soundbites in time."

Say that last sentence in a Michael Mol (from Top Billing) voice.

The midnight voice notes can get quite bizarre at times - the requests to oneself (switching between first person and third person), as well as hearing yourself talk, half asleep and not remembering having done so. The notes are not always about money and can sometimes come as a shock. I went through a couple of old ones on my phone just now..

"Check if so-and-so is divorced yet - she'll be good on her second round, having realised her fuck up with freak boy."

"Buy generator."

"Ask The Roofer where your Beastie Boys 'License to ill' album is. He saw it last."

"Expose so-and-so for fraud."

"Make use of so-and-so in return for your silence."

"Do NOT sms her. She will sms you."

"Sell original hand-written lyrics for Lennon's "Woman'."

"Put an end to the mind-games and fire Mavis."

"Feed underage Cambodian kids stored under kitchen floorboards."


The list goes on, but then I got this one. I don't know where I got it from.

Find out about ringtones that only kids can hear.

It sounded intriguing, so I farted it into Google. And what amazing results I did find!

It seems that as one gets older, we suffer from an age-related hearing loss, called "Presbycusis." There are fairly well proven ranges of age that cannot hear certain frequencies. As you get older you lose the ability to hear certain frequencies and, as a result, there are frequencies that only kids can hear. A good one is a frequency set at 17 kHz. (Like you give a fuck - all you want to do at this stage is hear it).

Using a permanent outdoor speaker, this was first put to use by shop owners keen to reduce gatherings of kids loitering outside their shops (It's a high-pitch sound similar to the sound you get from the old TV tubes and causes considerable discomfort).

The next step was obvious..

A CELLPHONE RINGTONE THAT ADULTS CAN'T HEAR!

Brilliant! Apparently it can mostly only be heard by people under the age of 30. At 29, I was keen to hear it.

So I found the ringtone (marketed as the "Mosquito") on the "internet" and played it a few times. It wasn't working - something was obviously wrong with the file. Maybe it was "corrupt" (whatever geeks).

A mosquito during feeding time..
..happy - unaware of things like the internet, tea-bagging etc.

I played it a few times and struggled to entertain the idea of my not being able to hear it. I reluctantly called The P.A. to my office, asking her to "come and listen to something."

"Yes, what is that fucking noise?!" she screamed, as she moonwalked to my office. (We aren't allowed to walk normally at the 2oceansvibe HQ, everyone has to moonwalk. It's a rule).

I played it again, and again she felt it necessary to cuss - "Yes! What the fuck is that!"

I couldn't believe it and am still annoyed that I can't hear it. I thought I still had a year left! I had The Photographer round at my house and, at 34, he could hear it. Impressive - but definitely a one off. I tried 3 other 30 year olds and none of them could hear it.

ANYWAY, now YOU can ALSO play around with it. See if you can hear it and, if you can't, turn it up loud and see if anyone younger in your office (or yacht) can.

It's quite fun.

That's it. I got completely carried away back there and all I really wanted to do was get you to play this sound and fuck around with it.

Sorry about that. That's what happens when you drink whiskey with beer chasers on your own for 4 hours.

CLICK HERE TO PLAY THE SOUND

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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