L Ron Hubbard's lovechild is presented to the world
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It seems that Brooke Shiled's baby was delivered literally hours before Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter. I have no doubt that Tom slapped Katie in the face for losing his secret race. Both babies weighed 7 pounds and both measured in at 20 inches. Brooke wins, Tom. You lose. Give it up, Cole Trickle.

Obviously it would be a baby girl. Katie's female genes, combined with Tom's gay alien genes can only produce something resembling a female.

And so it begins. It is going to turn into such a muff show now. We will wait for the first glimpse of the child - hoping the alien rumours are true and that the baby is covered in scales and speaks 12 languages. Or should we rather take this as a signal and quickly put on our white Nike shoes and wait for the mothership to fetch us?

So they named the little tyke 'Suri', which, as I am sure you all know, is Persian for "child demon". No seriously, it means "red rose". Good one, Tom! Notice how I am always addressing Tom and not Katie. This is for the simple reason that she has been brainwashed to the point of no return. Please see the following pic of her buying shoes last week.

Obeying orders, as usual. Petrified.

So there you can see that Katie doesn't really exist. I wish that Pacey would storm the Cruise compound and make love to Katie. I wish he could look her in the eyes and say, "Joey, it's me. It's Pacey. And I love you God Damnit!"

It would work. But Tom would never let that happen. Not on his shift.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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