Hits the streets
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"The high hits you within five minutes, followed by a caffeine boost 15 minutes later. The ride lasts for five hours and it is 350 percent stronger than Red Bull"

Believe it - 'cos it's true

Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves - the new Cocaine energy drink is coming to a VIP club near you! They're calling it "the legal alternative" and people are claiming it has similar qualities and effects to the illegal powder substance.

This is 100% true and has already been a feature at runway parties in New York. (We will ask The Stockbroker in New York to test drive some for us and report back). The New York Post article went on to quote Cocaine inventor, James Kirby, saying that he "cannot think of any other product besides real cocaine that could have the effect it does". It seems the effect is part psychological and part to do with the ingredients which includes a fuck load of sugar and vitamin B12.

People who tested it have reported that they "feel high", have a "tingly feeling" in their chests, experienced their hearts racing and even felt the effect of an ingredient that slightly numbs the throat to "add an oral sensation much like cocaine does".

Well, I think this is EXACTLY what the world needs. They should repackage all drugs as legal soft drinks so that we can all have a taste of the various highs experienced by junkies.

"Hi there, could I please get a double heroin on the rocks and a LSD crack for my friend over here, with a dash of speed please - literally"

"With pleasure Sir, would you like some crystal meth shooters with that?"

It also allows actual cocaine users to talk incredibly openly about getting, scoring or using the illegal drug. People can now literally shout across a room, "JOHN! PLEASE GO AND BUY US SOME COCAINE! FUCK YOU, I BOUGHT THE COCAINE LAST TIME".

I can see this all ending in tears.

They should make a new, local one here in South Africa called TIK - after the Cape Flat's drug of choice..

Try the new TIK in a can. It's completely legal and the high is pretty similar to the actual drug. It lasts for two hours, in which time you will genuinely want to murder people and steal.

"Try it! It's brilliant! I drank some last night and I killed two women and stole someone's car!"

New TIK in a can!
Get that 'killer feeling', legally!

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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