I’ll be completely honest, I have NEVER found an anti-virus software program that I like, let alone one that works. There is ALWAYS something wrong with it. It either slows down my computer to a grinding halt (keeping earth in orbit requires a large number of programs to be running simultaneously on my computer) or it restricts other programs from working altogether. If it’s not the internet access that suddenly stops, it’s normal email that is simply withheld by the likes of Norton. Good Lord! I think I’LL decide if 1980’s Alyssa Milano bikini pics are worthy or not!
And then, as usual, I wipe the software. Seriously – I’ve been rolling with no anti-virus software for about 6 months. But I’m scared. You just can’t cruise around with your shit off safety like that for too long. We (2oceansvibe HQ) all decided that we need to back everything up before anything bad happens. Everybody backed their shit up and I remember telling the girls to be careful not to get their laptops stolen over the weekend as I would need to save their backup file to my portable hard drive on the Monday.
Nothing got stolen over the weekend. But you know what happened on the Monday? Correct. A revolting evil little virus strolled onto the P.A.’s lappie and ate it alive – bones and all – wiping EVERYTHING! You could hear a burp from the laptop when she tried to boot up. All that was left was the shell and some mayonnaise on the side. I swear to you. It was all over. I cursed the virus. Then the internet. Then computers in general. I called Justin, my computer guru, who pointed me to, what must be, the holy grail of the modern era.
The guy in the deck chair with the laptop reminded me of myself.
Behold – ESET:
Now listen to me very carefully because this is incredibly important to me – I have never let you down before and I’m not going to start now. Believe me when I tell you that this is the ONLY anti-virus software to go for. I didn’t think it was possible to find an anti-virus brand worthy of a feature on 2oceansvibe, but I can tell you for a fact that the P.A. and I have been running this for a month and its presence on our computers hasn’t even occurred to us. I have never been so unaware of anti-virus software in my life. It’s almost like a perfect world.
I did some research and found out the following, as I thought:
– The software I downloaded (called ESET NOD32) is superfast and superlight (best in the world, proven over and over again in tests), so doesn’t slow down your computer or consume resources. (I even noticed it got 9.5/10 on CNET’s Download.com website).
– It has the “smallest and fastest update downloads” in the world.
– It is highly accurate, catches all the viruses that the big name products miss (most of ESET’s customers switch over from *spit* Norton).
– I checked out the virus awards websites (yes, they exist!) and ESET has been the world record holder in on-going tests at Virus Bulletin labs for the last 9 years or so, with over 50 VB100% awards for virus detection accuracy (first vendor in the world to reach 50).
– Their new “ThreatSense” technology that can detect up to 90% of new outbreaks immediately using its own intelligence and proactive methods.
– Vista 32bit and 64bit support, etc.
– Local free phone and email support
Now let me just finish off by blowing your mind apart. I looked into it even further and found out what they mean by “local” support. Do YOU know what they mean?
I’ll tell you. It’s RONDEBOSCH, baby!! That’s how local these guys are! A global anti-virus leader just down the road from the fucking Baxter! Can you believe it!? God what a pleasure!
Don’t waste your time. Get there now. Just go. They’ve got free trial downloads (only 20Mb). It’ll change your life. Trust me. You have no idea how your current anti-virus software is ruining your mood, your time, your life, your marriage and your libido.
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