Monday, June 23, 2025

January 30, 2019

Some Of The Ridiculous Things Apple Could Buy With Its Current Cash Stash

Yesterday, Apple announced its first-quarter earnings, with the filings showing the rather sizeable cash stash on hand.

Every now and again, in the hours after payday, I look at my inflated bank balance and smile.

Then I pay rent, the debit orders go off, and it’s back to square one.

It’s a rather different story at Apple, who, according to the first-quarter earnings announced yesterday, have around $245 billion (R3,3 trillion) in cash on hand.

That’s a pretty tidy nest egg.

Because we like to dabble in the ridiculous, and because somebody at Gizmodo already did all the maths for us, we can look at some of the ridiculous things Apple could buy right now.

Off we go:

  • According to Forbes’ 2018 NFL franchise valuation, every single NFL team ($82 billion) nearly three times. (But do you really need three Buffalo Bills? No one’s gonna notice. Alternately, Apple could just buy the Steelers 95 times).
  • CEO Tim Cook could kick some money upstairs to his friend in the White House by staying at the Trump International Hotel DC’s Trump Townhouse at a reported rate of $20,000 an evening roughly 12,250,000 days in a row, or until the year 35,580 AD.

No thanks.

  • At the wholesale price of $781 per pound, 313,700,384 pounds of state-legal Colorado weed (156,850 U.S. tons, or about the weight of two and two-thirds RMS Titanics at the original vessel’s displacement of 52,310 long tons/58,587 U.S. tons. That’s right. Apple can afford nearly three Titanics’ weight in legal weed)

Much better. Maybe then Rose would be willing to share that piece of wood with Jack – it was clearly big enough for them both.

  • According to Credit Suisse, Bangladesh (net worth $240 billion in 2018)
  • Ending world hunger from Jan. 1 to Dec. 1 (going by the UN estimate in 2015 of $267 billion per year)
  • Spitballing the cost of returning to the moon at around $57 billion, Apple could send a guy to the moon, bring him back, send a guy to the moon, bring him back, send a guy to the moon, bring him back, send a guy to the moon, bring him back, and then send the guy back to the moon and leave him there to die (4.3 missions).

Apple is now accepting applications to be the fifth person – just imagine the peace and quiet.

  • 5,061 1962 Ferrari 250 GTOs at a 2018 auction price of $48,405,000(only 36 were ever made but whatever).
  • At a current net wealth estimated at $131.9 billion, around 1.86 Jeff Bezoses.

That’s Bezos before he splits his wealth with soon to be ex-wife MacKenzie.

Spend it wisely, Apple.

[source:gizmodo]