Nicolas Cage met his wife-to-be at Canter’s Deli in Los Angeles.
A few hours later, he proposed.
That’s red flag number one, and red flag number two is that Arquette was only 18 years old at the time.
Naturally, Arquette said no, but Cage persisted.
Am I the only one getting creeper vibes from this guy?
Moving on – Arquette decided to put Cage through the wringer, probably thinking that he would lose interest or get bored.
Spoiler – he didn’t. Here’s Paper Mag:
Arquette declined, but seeing his passion, sent him on a Princess Bride-level quest. She dashed off a list of artifacts she wanted him to source then and there, including, but not limited to, a wedding dress from the Lisu tribe in South East Asia, “J.D. Salinger’s autograph, a black orchid and a Bob’s Big Boy statue — a Caddy-size piece of fiberglass sculpture,” according to a 1995 Rolling Stone article.
He turned up to her house the next day with a signed Salinger letter from an autograph shop. Day two he returned with a flower and a can of paint. “I peek out the window and there he is with a purple orchid and a black spray paint can and he’s spraying it,” she said.
“I almost got the Bob’s Big Boy last night,” he told her, citing the giant fast food sculpture that would have been chained to the ground. “I’m going back tonight with the right tools.”
At this point, she told him to stop and agreed to go on holiday with him. When there was a problem with the plane tickets, Cage threw a tantrum and the newly formed couple split up.
The overactor and real-life meme had previously tried to impress a girlfriend at Canter’s by throwing a ketchup bottle against the wall. “Back then, I was living out my fantasies of what I thought an exciting man should be,” he told Rolling Stone in 1999. “I wanted to be unpredictable and frightening, and I guess I was. I mean, Patricia says that at the time I was pure testosterone. I can’t really imagine myself getting that angry now. I haven’t punched a wall in years.”
At this point, we’re pretty much touring the red flag factory.
Eight years later, Cage returned to Canter’s Deli and ran into Arquette again. This time she decided to propose to him, showing up at his house in black vinyl with a purple wedding cake.
Two weeks later, the couple got married.
A year later they slipped up, and officially divorced in 2000.
At least she got a signed J.D. Salinger letter out of the deal.
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