I kicked the whole ‘Valentine’s Day’ thing to the curb years ago.
If it was a holiday I’d pay it some attention, but spending silly sums of money on stuff that will eventually end up in the back of a cupboard, or in the giveaway pile after a declutter, is not a vibe.
Then there’s ‘Valentighting’ which has joined a host of other ridiculous dating trends like ghosting, bird boxing, orbiting, and breadcrumbing.
Valentighting was coined by Metro UK writer Ellen Scott, who defined it as “the heartbreaking act of dumping someone right before Valentine’s Day because you’re too tight to get them a gift”.
If that sounds familiar, you might be tempted to get revenge.
And, if you’re going to get revenge, go the petty route with a gift that tells your ex how you really feel.
For example, via VICE, there’s a shelter in America that charges a small fee to have a cat poop on your ex’s name:
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To emulate this in South Africa, simply make a donation to The Kitten Cottage, then write his, her, or their name on the inside of your cat’s litter box, or on the litter box of a friend’s cat.
Snap a few pics, or take a video, and send it along.
If that isn’t extreme enough, San Antonio Zoo is hosting their annual ‘Cry Me a Cockroach!’ fundraising event:
For just $5 (around R75), you can symbolically name a cockroach after your ex, and they will serve it up as an enrichment treat to one of their animals. On Valentine’s Day, you’ll be able to watch the feeding frenzy on Instagram and Facebook.
This last one is sadly confined to America, but it’s worth a mention.
Poop Senders does what the name suggests.
You can choose from a range of poop, including ‘Cow Dung’, ‘Elephant Crap’ and ‘Gorilla Poop’, which will be packaged and shipped off to the victim of your choosing.
They’re currently running a Valentine’s Day special called a “Heart Sprinkle Mega Pack”.
In it, you’ll find a large pile of poop with hearts sprinkled all over it.
The website describes it as “sweet revenge at its finest”.
Whatever you’re up to on
Singles Awareness Day Valentine’s Day, I hope it involves chocolate and wine, even if you have to stock up on it yourself.
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