ACCIDENTAL PENIS
As we wrap up this eventful week with the news that Jackie Selebi has been shafted, there’s no better browsing than a bizarre but thoroughly humurous site, Accidental Penis. It’s not the “I was on steroids for five years as a professional woman body builder and ended up with an accidental penis” kind of accidental […]
WEED LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE – HUH?
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Rosebud, the marijuana lifestyle magazine. The guy in the photo is James Daly, the editor of this new print publication. What’s wrong with this picture? Well, I dunno about you, but that guy seems a little paranoid weary of the camera. But that’s to be expected, because the man is […]
iPAD DUMMIES – 1001 POSSIBILITIES
iPad dummies are available for $49, no word of lies. Yep, that’s 100% genuine fake replica right there. The dimensions are exactly the same, the weight is similar, and the plastic of the replica bears a striking resemblance to the metal and glass of the real deal. But, sadly, the brains are all missing. Where […]
ALBUM REVIEW: JACK JOHNSON’S NEW “TO THE SEA”
I was born and raised on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii. At 17 I was the youngest invitee to make the finals at the Pipeline Masters. A week later my career as a pro surfer ended when an accident at the Pipeline put 150 stitches in my head. So, I turned to music and […]
SOUTH AFRICA’S RON BURGUNDY RETURNS
Mahendra Raghunath is back at the SABC news room. After a lengthy employer-employee dispute that was sparked by a little alleged insider information trading by Raghunath to a few Sunday newspapers, the SABC has finally caved. South Africa’s favourite mortal news caster (the everlasting Riaan Cruywagen be praised) is soon to be back on our […]
LIONS AND LIGERS AND BEARS – OH MY!
This has been in the news cycle for about a week now, so it’s not exactly hot off the press stuff. Nevertheless, I thought you ought to know that a restaurant in Arizona is GRINDING UP OUR EFFING LIONS FOR BURGER MEAT. Didn’t any of those cruel bastards watch the lion king? I’m not feeling […]
FLAME THROWERS – THE HEN’S TEETH
I was feeling particularly generous this morning, so I decided to find a solution to Seth’s toast problem. Enter the personal flame thrower. How awesome is this? For just a thousand US dollars, you can have hard toast whenever, and wherever you want. And there’s an added benefit, Seth. Talking to the manager is effective, […]
FACT – PEOPLE PREFER TRAVELING SOUTH
A new study suggests that people prefer to travel South. Real-world experiences underlie avoidance of northern routes, Brunyé proposes. Young children learn that as objects and locations get higher, they become harder to attain. Examples include reaching for a toy on the counter, climbing the stairs and jumping. An ingrained notion that “up is difficult” […]
THE BIG CAPTION
The best thing about the Eyjafjallajokull eruption, besides its name, was the brace of rocking pictures that it produced. At the forefront of the photographic excellence was the Boston Globe. Luckily, the guys at the Boston Globe, in addition to being unbelievable photographers, also have a great sense of humour. So ask yourself, what’s the […]
LEGO FUSSBALL – IT’S TOO AWESOME
Remember the time when you were talking to that perfectly normal friend-of-a-friend at a braai? He was into futures trading or whatever, and didn’t have any abnormal ticks of any kind. A totally enjoyable human being. And then, WHAM, he tells you he’s crazy about Lego. Thirty years old, and still clinging to Lego. You […]
YOUTUBE, MEET VUVUZELA
The number of small but pleasing World Cup software add-ons is growing by the day. Remember the little Google Maps vuvuzela man? Cool stuff like that. Of course they’re trivial gimmicks, but they’re official tips of the cap to our lovely country, so it gives me great pleasure to present YouTube‘s World Cup gimmick offering.
MAYBE SHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
A lot of people have had their hearts broken in this world. What’s your tale? Maybe it’s the guy in your office, he’s perfect, and you’re invisible. Maybe your wife wakes up after 30 years of blissful marriage and tells you that from here on in, her name is Gerald. Or maybe you walked in […]
CANNED UNICORN MEAT CLASHES WITH PORK AUTHORITIES – SUBLIME
ThinkGeek.com, one of the greatest online stores ever to have existed in the civilisation of humankind, is selling Canned Unicorn meat (“a great source of sparkles!”). Let’s just enjoy that for a moment. Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don’t know is […]
MICKEY MOUSE WAS A COCAINE DON
Wow. You know when an entire society grows up with a certain ultra-influential cartoon character, and that cartoon character subtly peddles cocaine to other cartoon characters, and then suddenly in the 1970s, when all the guys and girls who grew up with that character become the first generation to vigorously export cocaine around the world? […]
GRAND DADDY HOTEL DROPS THE BALL – AGAIN
Remember the “alleged” tale of the Grand Daddy Valet who stole a customer vehicle and rolled it 70 kilometres away in Blue Downs? The Grand Daddy Hotel left a comment on that story. Let’s enjoy it with our morning coffee: A response to this post from the Grand Daddy: It is regrettably true that this […]
AN ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO INTERNET BROWSERS
FireFox, Safari, Internet Explorer, Chrome, Opera…Bloggers can get pretty tetchy when it comes to their choice of internet browser. Which is why Caldwell Tanner, a cartoonist over at CollegeHumor.com threw together this helpful pictorial guide. I think it captures the nuanced differences between world’s most prominent browsers. And nuances are what good cartooning is all […]
JUST A SPOON FULL OF SUGAR MAKES THE MUTI GO DOWN
Bafana Bafana needs a lot of help to get through to the next round of the World Cup. Some might even say they need a miracle. Others, however, might say that that all they need is a little muti (traditional medicine). Our favourite news service, the foul-mouthed News24, came up with this gem of a […]
GEORGE LUCAS, EAT YOUR HEART OUT
A few decades after its conception, the Star Wars lightsaber is here, and like everything worth buying, it’s on sale on the internet. But this is apparently not a very good thing, seeing as the lightsaber is both cheap and 1000 times more potent than those commercial laser pointers that drive your pets insane, and […]
GEEK FRIDAY: GADGETS TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER
More often than not, the random assortment of gadgets that find their way onto my browser have absolutely no use whatsoever. But every now and then I stumble upon (trademark!) inventions that can truly improve our quality of life.
SOMALI FOOTBALL ENTHUSIASTS HAVE IT TOUGH
Most of us, myself included, are basking in self-pity following last nights ill-fated football escapades involving one Diego “Satan” Forlan and Bafana Bafana. But let’s cheer up, folks. No one’s slaughtering us on our living room couches for actually watching the game. Not like in Somalia, anyhow. Two Somali football fans were leaded where they […]
RENT A WHITE GUY
This is some pretty cool reading for those of you still trying to shake the post-public holiday major Bafana let down cobwebs. If you’re a white guy in Beijing incapable of speaking a shred of Mandarin, you might feel that your employment opportunities are limited. Or you could get off your ass and get paid […]
VUVUZELAS – THE CRUX OF THE MATTER
Afternoon everyone, and a happy Youth Day to you crazy, crazy youth. Let’s have a quick chat about vuvuzelas. They’re loud, really loud. In fact at 131 decibels, they’re louder than: A screaming baby A chain saw A starting gun A jackhammer Most taxis in Woodstock Gareth Cliff The Mouille Point Foghorn The Noon Gun […]
DON’T MESS WITH FIFA’S 1000 YEAR REICH
A great deal of fuss has been made by FIFA regarding the sanctity of its brand, and the brands of its official partners in the run up to the World Cup. A great deal of counter-fuss has been made by the brands who were left outside of the World Cup money machine fraternity. So it’s […]
BREAKING NEWS – ITALIAN RESTAURANT ON FIRE, ITALY NOT SO MUCH
Mario’s, a popular Italian restaurant on Main Road in Green Point is on fire, and not in the positive, figurative kind of way.
THE iPAD HOUSE IS THE FUTURE
Ever since Robert Downey Jnr gave us a better way to live in Iron Man, people have been popping chubbies (present company included) at the thought of having interactive computing interfaces like the iPad on almost every glossy surface of their abode. Well, the idea is slowly bleeding from pop culture into the fabric of […]
JOBURG MINE HOUSE DIGS A PORTAL TO HELL
If you, like me, are something of an amateur (read: ignorant) economist, then you’ve probably wondered on occasion why gold is so friggin expensive. Part of the answer is definitely due to the fact that mining houses share their office space with Satan and his cronies.
MAKE THAT CALL
There’s going to be an awful lot of tension regarding referee calls, and the dubious opinions of your fellow spectators this afternoon, and indeed for the rest of the tournament. To avoid unnecessary conflict, and to make sure that your opinion is valued above all others this World Cup, get your hands on this little […]
BRING ON THE MADIBA MAGIC
We all know Nelson. We all love Nelson. Nelson’s gonna be at the opening ceremony this arvi, and by all predictions, he should be there for a wopping fifteen minutes or so. Why so little? Well, he happens to be a little shagged out from dedicating his life to reasoned argument, armed struggle, brutal imprisonment […]
TEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MEXICO
Tomorrow, we face el Mexicanos in an epic footballing battle. Let’s get to know our enemy, shall we?
THE WHEEL OF EXCELLENCE
Green Point is ramping up the killer World Cup vibes. Most of us frenzied Capetonian vibers will already know this, but those of you from outta-town will most definitely appreciate this vibe. You know the London Eye? Well…