As they interview someone who is "Bok Befok" [permalink]
CNN did very well the other day when they interviewed this colourful individual ahead of the last week's rugby international against Italy.
Bok Befok
For our international readers who weren't taught this particular dialect, Afrikaans; the wording on the gent's face can be translated directly into English, and means, "Fucked for the Springboks." That's what is means. "Fok" means "Fuck." Straight.
And you can't say that I'm being rude, because, you know, it was on CNN!
Today felt like the kind of Friday that everyone would be playing along with the aforementioned and agreed upon Cape Town Friday Rule. I was so confident of the feeling I had, that I woke up and went for the CLASSIC "secret cloud technique." You know the one: when you have a joint BEFORE you shower and change for the day. So you don't smell of weed and, with a small dose of eyedrops, no-one can tell the difference. Leaving YOU with an awesome day ahead of you! And I tell you what, that's EXACTLY what I've been having!
First port of call was Vida e in Camps Bay, where Losh put together one of nature's finest Cappucino's for me. I basked in the sun on the pavement as I skimmed over today's Cape Times school project. It was cutely written and most notable was the article mentioning the fact that the Pope does not wear Prada, as previously reported. The Vatican responded to these claims and summerised with the quote, "The Pope, in summary, does not wear Prada, but Christ." Interesting. Knowing how much money The Vatican has, one would assume this brand is something of a bespoked, high-end exclusive tailor. I've never seen any of Christ's range, but will admit that The Pope certainly does have a dapper vibe going.
I hit the road and continued The Cape Town Super Circuit. It seems other people had not embraced this day in the same way as me, and the road was saturated with bad energy. Most notable was the unprecendented sighting of not one, but TWO pretty fierce road accidents. One outside Caprice and one outside the Sea Point pool. I think I know some people who haven't been managing their karma very well.
Cop bike stuck under car
Not ideal
It's just too Hectique! for me. These nasty Friday moments further enhanced my need for a car and driver. Of course, the notion would need to be followed through properly. I remembered today's R750 million lottery jackpot and drove my car, possibly for the last time, directly to Future Exotics!
Whilst Cape Town's number one coffee outlet, Vida e, has some outstanding views at the Camps Bay branch, I thoroughly enjoyed this view as I sipped a cappucino at the Future Exotics store at the Waterfront. I can confirm that I have found the first toy I will be buying once I've won the R750 million. I took a little pic for you. Please enjoy the Rolls Royce Phantom with me.
The 2008 Rolls Royce Phamtom
V12 7.6L
0-100km/h in 5.9sec
Mmm, I like that, and so will YOU when I pick you up in it. At only R4.4 million it would be foolish not to snap this up. I had a good look at this baby and noted the blinds inside the back windows. ACTUAL blinds. Old school. My style. The staff at Future Exotics were also VERY MUCH my style and I can confirm they have the hottest staff out of any shop in Cape Town. FACT. I'd definitely recommend stopping by for a coffee and a perve *ahem* of the cars.
That was more than enough. I finished my cappucino, skipped the rest of the Cape Town Super Circuit, came back to the Safe House and bought 5 more tickets to the lottery.
Is that what we're going to do? We're just going to cruise along and act as though one of the biggest jackpots in living memory is not taking place today. Ja, that makes sense. Let's just not shell out a couple of bucks to stand in line to win today's R750 million TRIPLE ROLLOVER PlayEuroMillions jackpot. Not very clever.
I worked out that you could buy virtually the whole of Clifton's famous Nettleton Road. Is THAT not a good thing? Check out this highly sought after property, once occupied by Nicolas Cage, available on Clifton's Nettleton Road.
Do you LIKE working your ass off? Do you WANT to deal with annoying bosses and clients?
NOT entering the lottery as basically admitting that you enjoy being shat on and abused and, if that's the case, fine. Enjoy it. Hopefully you'll get some leave saved up and join me on the private island. I'll send my plane to fetch you. That's IF you get time off from your Hectique work life.
You gotta be innit to winnit, my friends. No one has ever been seen to be "wasting" money when buying lottery tickets. A guy in Austria won $56million in March. With one ticket.
It was a couple weeks back that we chatted about that guy in the yellow leather pant and red headband (a la Karate Kid) who is something of a Cape Town phenomenon (first featured in 2005). You might remember I mentioned the fact that he had even been spotted dancing on the roof of his BMW 645 CSi. Yes, that's the one. Well anyway, I was waltzing through the myriad of emails I receive on a daily basis from you, my cherished readers, and I found this little PEARLER!
Spice master pledges to "rock out" for the rest of time
This shot you see here was sent in by Damon P and lo and behold, it features our boy in that very same yellow leather pant - exactly the same ones that he was wearing a couple weeks back. The only difference is this pic was taken three years ago. The guy is quite fortunate that yellow leather pant never go out of fashion.
I want to highlight the fact that his sawn-off vest has a tiger print of sorts on the front. But, far more importantly, are the eyes of the tiger - far more prominently observed in this second photo of this series, featuring SA rocker and friend of 2oceansvibe, Justin Berg!
Justin Berg "rocks out" with the diminutive spice master
Notice how the vest is all black and white, except for those tiger eyes. Staring at you, through you. It's like he is the tiger.
Pretty radical stuff we are witnessing right here on 2oceansvibe. And that's what we'll keep doing to you - lifting you up, continuously, keeping you on the edge of your seat.
I see. Interesting. I prefer Celine to occupy one box in my brain and that is the semi-gay and sing like a chick in your car box. Songs like Think Twice which include that part (at the 03:18 mark) where Celine shouts [drum roll] "Don't say what you're 'bout to say ..... NO, NO, NO, NO!!"
You get the picture.
You'll be interested to note that Shania Twain has also covered the AC/DC anthem. That little rendition can be seen here (as we are simultaneously reminded how gorgeous Shania is. Good Lord). Then I also found a cool duet of the same song with AC/DC and Steve Tyler.
Ok, there there you have it.
Oh, I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you that the song Crazy (originally by Gnarls Barkley) has been covered by The Violent Femmes!
As we investigate "The Magic Hour" again at The Point gym [permalink]
So I took my ape to the gym today for another treadmill session (second day in a row, I might add) and unbeknownst to me, it was a time of the week that I had previously discussed on 2oceansvibe. That's right, I had already dubbed Tuesday 1pm to 2pm "The Magic Hour" at the Virgin Active gym in Green Point.
Well, I'll tell you what, there were fewer supermodels rolling around this time, but I noticed that the redhead twins were in the house - both working the climbing machines. I've mentioned them before and am yet to work out any regularity in their schedule. What I can highlight, however, is the fact that they have lifted their game ever so slightly. Now they're packing lollipops!
Ja, you heard me, they're sucking on lollipops WHILST they're training! BOTH OF THEM! Sucking on RED LOLLIPOPS! Can you cope?
Lollipops at gym - definitely the way forward
I'm as close as I can get to being speechless and must make mention that, whilst the lack of supermodels is a bit of a let down, this whole new lollipop sucking vibe is very much encouraged. For ALL girls.
And a warm welcome to Melissa! Thanks for joining us.
For those of you who don't know, Melissa has modelled for a number of publications and brands, not least of which include Revlon and the US Sports Illustrated. Nice. Melissa has also appeared on the hit TV show Entourage, as well as the film Something's Gotta Give. Good work, angel.
Now, on a far more serious note, let's get a visual overview of Melissa.
We've had a fewButlerspizzadriversightings of late and, in a very exciting twist, I have just received this little beauty sent in by Stu B.
4,000 deliveries deserves a celebration
Hey Seth,
I know you love a well experienced butler but on Saturday night we landed this legend with over 4000 deliveries and still up for a good sip of rum while on duty!
Good man...
Stu B
Superb work, Stu! My only concern is that the guy is a Butlers Pizza driver and he is downing a bottle of rum. Is that not alarming? I mean, doesn't he have to drive a car? I doubt he is using Good Fellas to help him deliver pizzas!
I sent the info through to Butlers Head Office and received a response from Big Cheeser Bob regarding their policy on these issues.
In short, it seems the butler in question is an old pro and with 4,000 missions under his cummerbund, is equipped with a certain level of wisdom. Big Cheeser Bob informed me that drivers will only imbibe liquor and other mind altering substances when their bow tie is removed and they have completed their final mission for the night. A quick look at the sighting above proves this point. Good work guys!
I actually recall a few weeks back where a butler brought some pizzas round to a party I was at and the guys applied enough peer pressure to get the guy to down some red wine out of a bottle. The butler was next to me and I watched closely as he swigged the bottle, not allowing a single drop to pass his lips.
Mr Playboy : Hugh Hefner and the American Dream [permalink]
I saw a mention on iol today about a new Hugh Hefner book that is about to be released. It's written by Steven Watts and Hefner claims it to be "the most authoritative book ever written about me - it's all essentially true."
That's great. Just great. God, that logo brings back memories. Given that Hugh Hefner's life was loosely based on mine, I've always taken a keen interest in his movements and his famous publication. I remember once, at the age of 12, trying to convince my mother to subscribe to the overseas Playboy Magazine on my behalf, as I had a keen interest in their car/auto section. She would had none of it. It was then that I started to work on the blueprint for 2oceansvibe.
Let's see what else they had to say about this book.
In the book, Watts writes: "A foursome did happen with his brother, Keith, and his wife, Rae, one evening. But while Millie, Hugh’s first wife, ultimately backed out of having sex with Keith, Hugh slept with his sister-in-law."
Watts also alleges Hugh – who currently lives with three girlfriends at the Playboy mansion in Los Angeles – once had homosexual sex.
He continues: "Hefner's thirst for sexual experience became so strong that he even had a one-time homosexual experience. One evening in downtown
Chicago he was propositioned and he thought, 'What the hell!' As far as I know, the guy just gave him oral sex."
Good Lord! Hugh got off quite lightly. We had a guy at school that sucked a guy's dick to get into the "cool gang" in standard 3. The incident never left him - for the whole of school. Even when he left junior school. He went into the high school and the story continued. He was always "the guy that sucked that other guy's cock." It fucked his head up. Fact. And he didn't even get accepted into the cool gang after completing the life altering dare!
Actually, come to think of it, the guy who's dick he sucked, got away with it completely! Just like Hugh Hefner did! Interesting!
It's been a while since I wanted something so much. Please join me in celebrating this symbol of over-celebration. With 40 pairs of mirrored aviator shades surrounding the lamp, it is both beautiful and hysterical at the same time.
And sexual. There is definitely something sexual about it.
That, my friends, is RADICAL! This is what they're saying about it.
Iconic and original, inspired by the stars who rarely shun their shades in public, the Celebrity lamp has found a new use for aviator glasses, eyes and light switching their usual sides.
The lamp shade is made of 40 pairs of mirrored aviator glasses and rests on a shiny, linear stand, featuring an amusing temple light switch.
When it is turned off, the lamp becomes an amazing silver sculpture, reflecting 80 times its surroundings. Switched on, the lenses become translucent and cast a kaleidoscope of oval shadows on the surrounding walls for a unique sophisticated ambiance.
It costs R13,000 and can be bought online from Deeply Madly Living. They've listed it at $1,600 and I doubt that the price includes shipping to the R of SA. Not that it'll make a difference after you win this week's TRIPLE ROLLOVER jackpot of R750,000,000 (yes, that is seven hundred and fifty million Rand) up for grabs at PlayEuroMillions.
Check how cool the lamp is when turned on, like I am right now.
2oceansvibe favourite and world #1 goes through to second round [permalink]
2oceansvibe favourite, Ana Ivanovic, has cleaned up the first round and has taken her beautiful 6" 1 frame one step closer to winning this year's WimbledonChampionships.
Shades of Princess Charlotte.Fine with that.
Following her recent French Open win, this will be an incredible accomplishment for someone so easy on the eye. History has shown that it is very rare for beautiful female tennis players to win back-to-back tournaments. They're almost always quite revolting!
Here is a pic of Ana's fans in Belgrade upon her victorious return home.
I enjoyed briefly lying to my mates when I showed them an advert on the net with a Brazilian chick in it, with my name tattooed on her shoulder. I said she was an ex of mine but I axed her when she started getting a little psychotic.
Here is a screen shot from the ad.
Ja, you like that, don't you?
Why don't you go and do it yourself, with your name? I think that would just be the cherry on top, don't you reckon? Great fun for the whole family!
Follow these simple, yet stylish instructions:
Whilst acutely aware of the atrocities and decay Zimbabwe has suffered at the hands of Robert Mugabe, one is forgiven when noting the hilarity displayed by the country's delusional leader.
Following his banning of any marketing or mention on Zimbabwean TV of the opposition leader, Morgan Tsvangiraiof the MDC; and in his Hitleresque distribution of patronising propoganda, our boy has taken things to a whole new level. In a new ad running on Zim's number 1 TV channel, viewers are presented with the faces of Mugabe's Western nemeses - Bush, Blair and Brown, morphing from one to the other, settling on the image of Morgan Tsvangirai; with text on the screen asking, "Is this the president you want?"
Jesus, this guy is on another level.
The morphing technique is produced using a computer software programme that you could easily download off the internet, which can morph ANY image into ANY other image. And Mugabe is saying that it's no coincidence that the four men look alike! Hilarious! I could put something together that could morph an image of my penis into the face of 5FM's DJ Fresh. And I could argue that it is no coincidence that Fresh is a cock.
But I won't. Why risk the misinterpretation that my penis is a contrived naive narcissist?
Another rare double rollover gives us half a billion Rand [permalink]
We've been through this before, team. This is a very big vibe. This is not some wank off local lottery for a couple million Rand. This is HALF A BILLION RAND! There is hardly ANYTHING that you won't be able to buy. Ever! Our cyclist friends out there will be very interested to know that, with that money, they will be able to buy 3,646 of these 24ct gold bicycles. The most expensive bicycles in Europe. They cost R150,000 each.
That's how it should be done on the Atlantic Seaboard
Stunning! That's what I'd buy if I was buying a bicycle. Although very valuable and expensive, I doubt it would cater for the light-weight frame market that seems all important in the bizarre world of psycho cyclists.
Personally, I'm having a look at this little number.
Sick!
Ja, you like that? It's cheap as well. $20,000,000 to be exact. What's that in Rands? R159,000,000? PLEASE, man, I'll LAUGH at that! I'll still have R388,000,000 left over. For shits and giggles. For champagne and other supplies. For my Ferraris and friends that I'll buy. Listen to this:
The property is located on the beautifully scenic Orcas Island, the largest of the San Juan Islands in Washington. This estate spans 161 acres and includes six separate tax parcels with six houses, six drilled wells, three cabins, a cookhouse, shops, garages, barns and other outbuildings. The land has a total of e approximately 3,200' of shoreline and comes with a deepwater, drive-on pier, a float and two boathouses with a workshop. The island can be reached by private boat, ferry or plane.
It comes with a serious pad on the island as well. Check it out.
Just chilling..
Oh, VERY nice! See more pics and find out more about this island and house that YOU will buy here.
It's too easy to be happy these days! But remember, you very seriously need to be in it to win it. Think how easy it is to buy a ticket. The problem is that it is just as easy to NOT buy a ticket. That's your decision. As long as you're fine going to bed every night thinking, what if? I certainly can't handle that kind of pain.
Don't forget that with lotteries of this size, you'll often win small amounts which are more than enough to bankroll your next entries the following week. That's what I do.
The world's biggest and most famous dope dealer [permalink]
Firstly, yes, I have neglected you. But, as usual, I need to make it infinitely clear that I feel your pain. When I am doing things around Cape Town and the Atlantic Seaboard, keeping things in the right vibe, for you; WE will sometimes suffer thru these brief moments of silence. But, as I said, it IS always worth it - for the future vibe.
So, ja, I just needed to make that clear. But you knew that anyway, because I can feel you inside me. You're hurting, as I am, but I know you understand.
Howard Marks, the man who gave us the book, MR NICE, is in Cape Town! This is a BIG deal, believe you me.
Check this out:
For 2 nights only, Howard Marks, ex m16 agent and formerly the world’s biggest dope dealer, will host an engagement. At the height of his career he was smuggling up to 50 tons of Marijuana and had contact with organisations as diverse as the CIA, the IRA and the Mafia. These special South African shows will feature the best-selling author and award-winning columnist talking about his remarkable experiences, reading from his autobiography and answering your questions.
This is, quite simply, NOT to be missed. Those of you who have read his book will know his story. This guy has seen it all and done it all. At the height of the dope dealing part of his life, Howard went as far as MAKING UP A ROCK BAND and "toured" around the world, so as to smuggle weed and hash in the band gear and speakers. He came up with this idea after noticing that rock groups' equipment wasn't really checked at airports. Genius!
Howard Marks
Saturday 21 June
LIVE at 14 Hope Street, Gardens, Cape Town
book online at www.strictlytickets.com
Doors open 18h30
Show starts at 20h00
Tickets also available at Mabu Vinyl record store near Vida - Kloof
(say hi to Sugar from me if you go there)
What a great moment in time!
If you haven't read Howard's book (muffled mocking laughter), you can buy it online as well.
At the risk of sounding like a poof, I ordered some skin products over the "internet" the other day. Some of the older 2oceansvibe readers will recall my 2006 Badedas article, in which I explained my mother's and my obsession and quest for life's finer products. Much like mother dearest, my skin is on the sensitive side and shuns anything but mother nature's purest ingredients. Being an only-child raised in a home with 1,000 antique porcelain dolls, a fleet of Yorkshire Terriers and a couple of ducks (we've never mentioned the ducks before and I CANNOT, for the life of me, understand why I never mentioned them. I completely forgot about the very real genuine fuckshow that was the duck chapter of my life. In brief, my mother had these fucking ducks that shat EV ERY WHERE! She thought it would add a cool tranquil farm-like laid back vibe to the fountain (with cherubs) and the herb garden and the plunge pool, but it was, in fact, a COMPLETE muffshow! There is so much to say, but this was just meant to be a quick mention, in brackets. I can, however, confirm that the deceptively cute little duck phase ended incredibly abruptly one day when my aunt and her entourage arrived with their brak (mix breed) dog , called, ...wait for it...."Chocolate." The dog was brown in colour. Get it? Chocolate ran directly through the house and into the back garden whilst everyone was greeting each other and pouring aunty Pam a gin (filled up with soda water, with a DASH of Diet Coke). Everyone was about to chill out and try some of aunty Pam's stuffed eggs, when we heard a shriek come from the garden. A human shriek so shrill and haunting that we are all, since birth, instinctively aware of its interpretation. It could only be one thing - murder. Chocolate had blood all over his revolting snout, and there was a duck bleeding from it's neck on the ground. Oh my God, well you can only imagine the ensuing drama. Christ. There were tears everywhere. Chocolate was beaten, all the guests left, the the duck was buried, flowers were delivered, the other duck nearly died from pining over its late friend ("they mate for life, you know!") etc etc. Two words : FUCK SHOW. Ja, so anyway, I'm amazed that this is the first time I've mentioned those fucking ducks) certainly didn't HELP the situation.
That said, I ordered some face-wash and moisturiser from Garden Route Organic the other day (www.gardenrouteorganic.com) after an organic obsessed friend told me about it.
The package arrived yesterday.
Garden Route Organic - stunning!
Wow! Full marks for packaging! - as I opened the box to reveal the tissue-wrapped products in a bed of wood shavings! Not since our Standard 9 field trip to Geelbek with "Odd Job" had I felt so close to nature! I hid the box from the girls in the office and packed it away to take back to the Safe House where I could try it all out during and after a candle-lit bath with Santana and Citizen Cope's Sideways playing in the background. Mmm.. then I'll seduce myself..
And that's exactly what I did! I won't go into detail but I can tell you that the results were just too impressive not to warrant a mention. The face wash had tea tree in it and I can honestly and confidently say that I don't use my blemish stick nearly half as much as I used to!
You might want to check these guys out. It's natural. It's local. It's so good for you and it's reasonably priced. Plus, you can order online!
