Donald Ducks a bit dodgy

Surely you can't make a toy like this! The position ? The line of vision ?

Strange Capetonian behaviour

Very Cuck ....

Nice ....

We don't see ourselves as a tabloid, but .......

How can we possibly deny our loyal, faithful, gorgeous 2oceansvibe readers the chance to see Robbie and Rachel cavorting round the pool. Please note the tugging on the ear.

We believe this is a blatant invasion of privacy and whoever the photographer was, should learn to respect people's privacy. Shock horror. (high fives for Robbie though)

Seth Rotherham investigates FHM Homegrown Honeyz

Well, a big thank you to FHM for the FHM Homegrown Honeys party thrown in Bantry Bay last night. A little sad that the indoor pool and jacuzzi were only used by 6 people the whole night. Amazing that things didn't get out of hand with a free bar and a large number of little angels running around. We must also commend the people of South Africa for voting Julie as the winner. She certainly deserves it and we can confirm she is an absolute killer. Click link below for party pics with Julie.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE PICS

We are also very happy with the poster on our fridge at home. Well done Jo'burg... not a bad export at all. Ryan Dent, the DJ, should look into buying a CD or two of non house music. Ryan, people get tired of the same type of music over and over and over again. "I'm a house DJ, bru" just won't cut it. In fact we can safely blame Ryan for the party dying like it did towards the end. All was great up till then. A party like that should have gone on til 2 in the morning. Luckily Ryan wasn't playing at Eclipse around the corner in Camps Bay.

Paris slipped another one with Michael

Taken ages ago when Michael's face was a mess but not terrifying, we see Paris is up to her old tricks again. There seems to be a litle something peeping out....

For keeping up the good work

Nice that Paris still aims to please, even after her sex tape came out. Thanks, Paris..... the 2oceansvibe.com community commends you. What a wonderful, wonderful bum.

Have we lost the plot? (With apologies to Richard Neville)

Jackson may have officially lost the plot. These pics were taken after Micky Jay left the court room. He jumped onto the roof of his 4X4 and pumped a quick moonwalk. Amazing vibe! The 'gloved-one' also gave an invite to his adoring fans.

Lottering emwoerrises himself again

Article from www.iol.co.za

Lottering involved in car accident
January 16 2004 at 12:06PM

Comedian Mark Lottering was released on R500 "police bail" on Friday, after colliding with several vehicles in the early hours of this morning, police said.

Superintendent Nina Kirsten said Lottering was driving along Ocean View Drive between Clifton and Sea Point when he veered against "three or four cars" parked at the side of the road.

The police bail means that if one can pay, one is not incarcerated in police cells over the weekend, while ensuring the person appears in court.

Kirsten said the accident occurred at approximately 4.45am.

Lottering was expected to appear in the Cape Town magistrate's court on Monday on a possible charge of driving under the influence of alcohol - depending on the results of blood tests taken at the district surgeon Nand an additional charge of reckless and negligent driving could be added. - Sapa

Don't make plans for JANUARY 31st

As you all know the J&B Met has been moved to April because my little ponies are sick with horse flu. I think I know some little horses who need a lie down.

2oceansvibe.com brings you the J&B Met after party that you thought you wouldn't have this Jan/Feb. January 31st is the night. The venue and other details will be here within the next two days. In the meantime enjoy the virtual tour of the venue below.

Don't miss out. Maximum 120 people.

How to increase your website hit rate

Surely not !

Spotted as an ad on a Morkels window in Cape Town, THIS YEAR.

Don't ignore the dressing table.

Jacques from IDOLS checkered past

Thanks to another anonymous tip from one of our cherished 2oceansvibe readers it is alleged that squeeky clean boy-next-door Jacques from IDOLS was in fact expelled from Somerset College in Std 8 for smoking weed. Naughty boy Jacques! I think I know a little boy who needs a hiding.

Keep your ear to the ground

Remember kids, the newsletter very often contains titbits not mentioned on these pages. So if you think you're missing out.... you are. 200 other people can't be wrong. We're tired of people writing in asking why we never said something about something - its generally in the newsletter.

CLICK HERE TO JOIN WEEKLY NEWLETTER

Listen closely if you wish to learn how

Well done Shimmis (cuck name) in Hermanus for doing everything wrong this season. I'll start at the beginning. We went up to Hermies two weeks before New Year and stumbled upon the much talked about 'Shimmi's' bar (what a cuck name). We walked in and thought we had found our Mecca. The view was, and still is, mind-blowing. We arrived at 2pm and were in shorts. The vibe inside is Eclipse meets Caprice meets Cornutis (plett) meets Hermanus. As the sun set we continued punishing the bar. Without throwing numbers around, our bar tab was massive. We were pretty much the only people in the place and the management was already getting funny about us wearing shorts.... .interesting. We were so excited by the place that we very nearly bought R250 New Years tickets. Thank God we didn't. Later that night the manageress was absolutely motherless and involved herself in a FULL ON CATFIGHT. That's right boys! A full blown cat fight! Brilliant marketing!

We came back the next night and were told the cover charge was R50. We laughed at it and it was suddenly dropped to R20. We were told we had to wear collars (take a page out of Cubanas book kids) and they eventually let us in. They couldn't remember us being the only people at the bar for 10 hours the previous day. They also couldn't help telling us 'We don't want any trouble from you guys'. On our sixth round a glass was broken. A guy, this time the manager, came over and informed us "Now you guys are costing me money". INTERESTING VIBE. Needless to say the manageress was absolutely legless again and was spotted later that night scratching off the ceiling at O-bar.

AAAAANYWAY.... the New Year fortnight arrived. We steam-rolled towards Shimmi's (cuck name) one night and were told we had to have a collar. COME ON GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Every top bar/club in Cape Town accepts t-shirts... what makes Shimmi's (suxh a cuck name) so special? So...... if you've seen the New Years pics (CLICK HERE FOR PICTURES) you'll know what happened next.....

!! THEY GAVE US XXL SHIRTS TO WEAR OVER OUR T-SHIRTS !!

Yes, that's right! We walked in and started to notice the odd fellow punter also donning a clown suit. We went up to each and every one of them and we all agreed we were in a jerk-off bar. That was the last time we went to Shimmi's (crap name). Not through lack of trying.

We went back on the 31st just after lunch (beautiful day) and were told it was closed to get ready for their New Year's bash.

We went back on the night of the 1st and it was closed again. We had a better time watching Klein-Jan sing Kareoka at Gecko Bar.

That was it.... Shimmi's, your name sucks and so does your bar. Your management sucks and so do your managers. Well done on f*cking up your first season royally ! Plus your waitresses are minging. What a waste of some good barman. Perhaps you can do an exchange program with Cubana in Claremont. Take their crap barmen over to your place and offer a thoroughly crap service.

HERMANUS NEW YEAR PICS

CLICK HERE FOR PICTURES

By loyal 2oceansvibe reader

We near the end of another year. Christmas parties have come and gone in a sordid blur. The company rumours about your stumbling antics with the nubile, young secretary have subsided, and Santa Claus once again brought you those lovely silk boxer shorts.

And true to human nature, we oft look back on the year, our accomplishments, our regrets, goals achieved, and unfortunately, the inevitable failures ..

It is a period of reflection. Of promises to forge new paths for ourselves in the forthcoming year, to change the way we act, think, and do. An optimistic time, the feeling that a year is behind us and that a new and exciting journey is ahead of us ---- that destiny is about to come to fruition.

Resolutions are made. Boring, banal resolutions that are inevitably forgotten in the mayhem that January brings. Goals that have been set at year end, are lost or forgotten by mid February. We slip back into our same mould, a persona that now seems so normal.

I will give up smoking, drink less, go to gym more, take time out, go away for long weekends, give to a charity, save more, and plan an overseas trip --- sound familiar? Thought so, and this brings me to my point. I am going to set myself some goals for the New Year that I have never attempted before. New, exciting, original goals --- and if I don't accomplish them in the forthcoming year, at least I will have fun trying.

Here they are, in no particular order:

Gamble.. responsibly.

Ride a unicycle up a steep incline with unflagging speed.

Hoot at the car in front as the robot turns green.

Throw tennis rackets at small, moving objects with unflinching accuracy.

Prepare a four course meal armed only with a bowl of custard and a toaster.

Make outrageous claims like I invented the computer.

Play chess against Big Blue.

Streak at an international sporting event.

Dip a good friend in chocolate and feed him to the lesbians.

Wear a bow tie, and braces on a blind date.and still attempt to close.

Make meat helmets in the spring.

Chant obscenities repeatedly at Hells Angel Bikers for no particular reason.

Talk constantly to myself in packed lifts.

And there we have it, folks. Should keep me busy till early March, I think.

Join me in my crusade. Unite behind the inane. Follow the insane.

Here's to you in 2004.

Live the dream.

Silky Smooth.