Geniedit!

Everybody in their mid twenties and above's favourite, Allysa Milano from Who's the Boss - IN THE BUFF!!

Lucky little 2oceansvibe readers!! Click blurred image below for your present. Careful in the office kids. Includes W Bush....

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Prove it

Do my little angels want an update today?

Do my angels want to laugh?

Do my angels want some comments on the Mr 2oceansvibe competition?

Do my angels miss me?

Click on 'Contact 2oceans' in the left menu and tell Seth how much you want an update.

Have some nice titbits for my angels if they REALLY want an update.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

The Singles list goes absolutely bananas

Well the first day of voting for Mr 2oceansvibe 2004 got off to a MENTAL start. Stats have shown that we have had a massive increase in web hits from the Jo'burg side of the country. Or, if I was cool and up to date I would call it 'Jozi'. Welcome my little angels from Jo'burg, please feel free to fart around the website. Get into it.... play around the archive sections a little bit, there's two years of stuff you're behind on. As I said before, it's like a soap opera. You can leave it for a week and be totally confused when you get into it again. But after 2 days you'll be totally aware that Brian van Rooyen is, in fact, Danny K's and Claire Johnston's lovechild.

It's sad that the Jo'burg peeps will never really have the opportunity to spot the TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) - see last few month's articles for sightings of TBG.

Voting is looking good at the mo with a few contestants clearly 'drumming up' votes. Hey, no problem guys, slow and steady wins the race! I see the overseas lot voted while we slept and the votes are up. Keep 'em coming my babes. Amazed that some people wrote in saying we should have a Miss 2oceansvibe.com 2004. No, my pets. We did that last year and there was chaos. God it was a nightmare. The freaking out that came after the launch was quite ridiculous. I will not be responsible for girls who start to get into the habit of throwing up their dinner because their votes are slipping. Trust me, this is VERY possible in Cape Town.

What we DO want to do is get girls (woman) to send in pics of their tabs with 2oceansvibe written on them. Their faces won't be shown but there will be a vote and the winner will win a gift voucher to La Senza lingerie shop! What do we think of that?

I watched Sea Biscuit (Water Koekie) last night and thought of something that had nothing to do with the movie but has been bothering me lately. At the beginning of the movie is a whole run down of the launch of the Ford Model T. I watched the scenes in the movie and noticed how behind they were. I laughed at how they'd pee in their pants if we showed them a Pentium 4 Sony Laptop with surround sound and wireless internet access allowing seamless online porn streaming. That's when it hit me.... As far as I'm aware people lived to a fairly ripe old age in those days. Along with that I thought about every early 1900's photograph/movie/documentary that I had seen. I might be wrong about what I'm about to say but that's virtually impossible. I realised that nowhere have I ever seen very old footage of a scene with joggers. Yes, that's what I said, joggers. People jogging. I also have always been confident that people in the early and mid 1900's would rather die than be told that in the future people will all congregate under one roof and run on the spot for hours.

In the old days people bought bicycles for transport. You would probably be sent to a mental home if you were spotted cycling 50 km in a day if you weren't training for the Olympics. The strong men were the workers who got bigger and stronger from lifting rocks or railway sleepers or whatever. People, generally, weren't overly overweight (can you say that? overly overweight) and didn't eat a fist of carbs and a fist of protein. People didn't take 2 litres of water to school and people didn't say no to avocado, potato, bread, sugar, pasta, chicken skin, pizza, cheese, red meat, sweets etc etc etc. Obviously fast food has freaked everyone out and as we watch people become revolting from their bad diets we feel we need to over-compensate for their revolting behaviour. If you're a normal person who eats normal food and doesn't live inside a milkshake, trust me, you will be fine. Imagine in 1950 a girl introduces a big ripped man to her family and informs them that he is an doctor. They will tell her she is lying and they know that he does manual labour!

Relax people.

Always remember, Seth loves you. You are so adorable when you smile.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
www.2ceansvibe.com

Is Camps Bay ready for it?

I'm sure a number of you would be interested in the new Beemer 3 series. Cape Town is known throughout the world for its BMW Brigade so we thought we would prepare you with these pics which we stole from another website. Luckily the website we stole them from has all the info on the vehicle that you might need. Torque and all that cuck.

CLICK HERE FOR ARTICLE

If that's your scene

For the Star Wars freaks out there you might enjoy the pics on the following website. Various still shots of 'Jar Jar' punishing a young lady. It's a cartoon people, don't be offended and don't fllow the link if it frightens you.

CLICK HERE FOR JAR JAR ACTION

Unreal

I suggest you read the article further down about Ashlee Simposon ballzing up her moment on Saturday Night Live on the weekend (video download included). Anyway, here's her letter to fans after emwoerrissing herself in front of the planet:

Hey guys!

I'm sure you all have figured out how crazy its been the last few days,but I just wanted to personally write to y'all-my true fans-and thank you for your support and love. I have decided to speak openly and honestly about what happened on snl because I want you guys to know what really happened. My acid refux started acting up and I know my real fans know that music and performing is my true passion and you support me for that....I couldn't control what happened that day. People always say things that are hurtful,and I encourage my fans to do what I do and not read what people are saying on the internet...in a couple of days everyone's attention will be on someone else. As far as me and my band are concerned...we are all a family and love each other very much-they are the best guys in the world and I wouldn't want anyone else to be with me at this time.

Keep up the support...its the love my fans have shown me that makes me want to go back out there and continue to prove all the negative press wrong!

Look out for me to go on tour starting in January...its gonna be awesome!

I love you guys!!

Ash

SHAME

Seth Rotherham
editor and competitor
2oceansvibe.com

It's time to give back to the people

Well we can hardly contain ourselves!! It's happening! It's bigger than ever. Make your vote right now for this year's Mr 2oceansvibe.com. Vote for your mates, vote for your Mr. Right, JUST VOTE!!

The winner will receive a prize like you've never seen. We have a number of choices of prize and are still deciding.

You just have to see this year's bunch, they are PHENOMENAL!!! Absolutely HYSTERICAL !!!

Go go go!!

F*ck the American election, this vote counts even more..... imagine it... Mr. 2oceansvibe 2004 - it's unreal ! LIVE at your favourite website, Cape Town's fave!

CLICK HERE TO VOTE !!

Seth Rotherham
editor and competitor
2oceansvibe.com

Will they eat our food for us too?

You gotta love Woolworths! I mean really! I bought an 'Express Veg' microwave steam meal thing from Woolies in claremont yesterday. Many of us buy similar items from Woolies. What we normally do is follow the instructions. One of the instructions normally mentions something about 'Pierce plastic' or 'make small hole in plastic' etc. What I normally do is lift my right hand, open a drawer, grab a fork and pierce a hole through the plastic on the top of the container.

YOU DON'T DESERVE SUCH STRESS IN YOUR LIFE

WOOLWORTHS HAS THE ANSWER !!!

I cannot believe it! Woolworths have now MADE THE HOLE FOR US and the only stress we have is peeling off a sticker on the top to reveal a pre-made hole!! They have caled it a 'MICROWAVE STEAM VENT'. Jeepers Hudders!

Thank God!!! Thank you Woolworths. Piercing the paper thin plastic was really killing us. What's next? Will you eat the food for us as well? How about a meal that gives us a blow a job and tucks us into bed as well.

Amazing.

Seth Oscar Rotherham
Editor
Thats right
Editor
www.2oceansvibe.com

Mark Philippoussis - GENIEDIT PAL !!

We thought we'd kill two birds with one stone with this article. It really is to report the story of Paris's new squeeze. But we're also able to show you the above pic of Paris enjoying a quiet joint for the boys. Hey, just chill out my angel...

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ABOUT PARIS AND PHILIPPOUSSIS

In your mailbox

Wow, one of our VIP readers sent us the following. It's a website where you can add your home address to a list of addresses which DO NOT WANT JUNK MAIL. All professional direct mail distributors HAVE TO check the list for homes that don't want junk mail before they stick crap in your mailbox.

So, if you're tired of the crap that blocks up your post box at home then run along to THIS WEBSITE (CLICK HERE and then choose 'Register') and add your home address. This is a professional service and we have tested it and it works.

Properly

You've definitely heard a couple of songs by Jessica Simpson's younger sister, Ashlee Simpson. So this weekend she totalyf*cked it when she was on Saturday Night Live. It was plainlly obvious that she was lip-syching but the beauty of it all was that they started playing the wrong song.

Jeepers it just got worse and worse. She first started dancing like a clown and then walked off whilst the band started to play the song that was playing through the speakers. Just a massive f*ck up.

Yes, you are correct, YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE VIDEO HERE!!

RIGHT CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD VIDEO (2.96 Mb)
(Then Save Target As) (For Windows)

But not photographed

This is the first and last time we will publish a TBG sighting without photographic evidence. Get a phone with a camera people. Who still owns a phone without a camera? Get with it.

THE SIGHTING (from a 2oceansvibe reader):

Well a strange thing happened this weekend........

Was at Constantia village on Saturday morning, and went into Sports Unlimited ( Is it still called that?????? ) to check out some Secret Socks for Summa time, and lo and behold, who is also doing a spot of pre-christmas shopping........Tall Blonde Guy. Did not have camera with me, but it after meticulously scanning through your archives, i can confirm a definite sighting , theres no mistaking the TBG,
( P.S : TBG also has a TBG ( tallish blonde girlfriend )

thanks for cool site
Matt

Thanks Matt, now go and get yourself a camera phone.

Of note

Everyone's favourite actress with fake tabs seems to have a younger sister we never new about! Welcome my angel. We can see she was just missing what Hollywood was looking for. Other than that she's right on track.

Tara and sister

A reminder of Tara's tabs

Why?

Just in case you weren't glued to the 'Picture of the Moment' this weekend, here are a couple of snaps you may have missed.

I nearly got his by a car at the beach on Saturday when I had to stop as I looked ahead and saw a CHILD STANDING ON A MAN'S HEAD! Where are we? Am I in the circus? Am I being filmed? Is this some sort of a f*cking joke?

Camps Bay - now a circus venue

What in God's name is going on

My snake skin shoes attracted this woman from across the bar at Caprice last night. She started going crazy when she touched them. It was only then that we found out that she has possibly the longest tongue in Cape Town.

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE
A RECENT VERSION OF APPLE QUICKTIME,
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE VIDEO
OF THE TONGUE WOMAN!

Gives new material for wank banks across the world

Enjoy this brand new pic of the Ag that's hit the net. F*cking GENIEDIT !!Well done Christina, you are winning at the moment. God you need a spanking!

Brings a tear to our eyes

Thanks Britney! Seriously. A big thank you for finally sealing it. Your new husband and lifestyle is revolting us. You have been completely erased from our wank bank. Acne cream and nose picking is not attractive these days.

Geniedit

Be careful my sweet angels, there are a number of speed traps lurking around. Because of our love for you we spent the weekend speeding and noted down when we sensed a bright purple flash. So, if you weren't caught already, watch out for the following two traps:

1) Coming into town/beach on de Waal drive (that's the windey one kids). Just before the place where you would take a left bend to get to Gardens (or go straight past Viglietti Ferrari shop). Just under the bridge is an effing camera.

2) Got nailed this morning on the highway that takes you to town from hospital bend before you get the Holiday Inn on your left. It's only in the right lane so go bonkers in the left lane.

Regards,
Seth Oscar Rotherham

From inside the Harley Davidson club

A week or so ago we showed a pic of the TBG (further down the page) on a Harley after we received a tip off that he would be driving past with 80 other Biker Boyz. A number of our precious readers wrote in saying they didn't believe it was him.

WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT !! Thank God someone from inside the Harley Davidson Club took this shot and sent it in!! Thanks for that Dave. Please enjoy the TBG's biker gloves, as well as his Harley Davidson T-shirt.

TBG - UNREAL

Regards,
Seth Oscar Rotherham

Report back

How badly have my little angels been waiting for this report? I know I know relax... (I can hear your cries of "Tell us more, Seth !!!"). Settle.

Well we cruised into Hermanus just before lunch and after having a chuckle at some of the locals we went to lunch at Bientang's Cave. No, you're incorrect, Bientang is not French, it is, in fact, Afrikaans. That's right children, you must have heard of it before.

It seems Monday nights are the heat in Hermanus as our waiter was definitely coming down from some cheap local drugs. We're not sure if TIK has hit the town yet. If it has, he was definitely on it. Or coming down therefrom (when last did you say 'therefrom' last? It feels good, try it). Anyway, I swear to God (always with a capital 'G'' kids) he had five occasions where he so very nearly offloaded customers' plates on top of them. Imagine a drugged up Energiser Bunny. Better yet, imagine a drugged up TimberCity chipmunk. FACT: The chipmunk was modelled on a friend of mine whose father started Timber City. I'll tell you more about him another time. Anyway, enough about Mike - go there and pray you get him - you'll piss yourself!

The chow was good and as luck would have it we had whales virtually licking our toes. So much so that we went to the edge of the rocks and took a pic which you'll see further down. Honestly, I contemplated jumping on the beast. There was a 30-strong crowd of Chinese tourists who were basically weeing their pants with excitement. The camera sounds combined to form a sound louder than the crashing waves. For a second we thought there was a freak wave coming from behind us.

On our way out of town we hunted desperately for he MTN sponsored bin in the town which became famousa year or so ago. There's a pic of it somewhere in he archives. The one that someone vandalised so as to read "Keep Her anus beautiful". We're not trying to promote vandalism but look, if you're creative and make millions laugh definiteLY do it!

Oh God, one more thing! I had seen a sign before, but this trip I found 'Peter Stigling (Also could be mistaken as French but is, in fact, Afrikaans) Properties'. PLEASE CHECK OUT THE LOGO AND WRITING AT THE TOP OF THE PIC. There is a drawing of an owl with the words 'THE MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS'

ARE YOU F*CKING SERIOUS PETER?

You can just imagine in a small town like Hermanus. Two or three homeowners received calls from him at around 8 o' clock at night. Word spread around the town and someone, out of nowhere, uttered the words 'God, when does he get time to sleep'. Except the actual words they used would have been something like 'Jizlaaik, slaap daai fokken man nie?'.

From there one of Peter's mates, absolutely smashed, said that he should use it for his marketing. Yes!! That is a brilliant idea, Schalk! "Better yet", shrieked Schalk, "You should have a picture of an owl!!!!". ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. Do it! Do it now!! The rest is history. We're thinking of calling Peter at 2 in the morning, wake him up and tell him he is using false advertising and blatantly lying.

Enough now.

Ok, that's enough now. Keep your anus beautiful and have a peep at the pics. GENIEDIT !

Regards,
Seth Oscar Rotherham

Are you cool enough?

Ok, seriously kids, if you're doing the Argus cycle tour 2005, why not help a good cause whilst you're doing it? The one we're talking about is Starfish.

Here's some extra info on cycling as a 'Greatheart'.

Help turn the tide on AIDS by cycling as a Greatheart in the 2005 Cycle Tour

Starfish has been chosen as one of the official charities of the 2005 Cape Argus Pick 'n Pay Cycle Tour. If you have a place in the Cycle Tour for 2005, why not take up the challenge and register as a Greatheart. By joining the ever growing team of Greathearts you will be playing your part in securing the future of the thousands of orphaned and vulnerable children that Starfish supports in South Africa.

What is a Greatheart?

A Greatheart is a person who believes that they can make a difference; a person who not only cycles for their personal best, but also to bring about a brighter future for South Africa's children.

To date, Greathearts have taken part in the Hansa Powerade Dusi Canoe Marathon and the Comrades Ultra-Marathon.

FOR MORE INFORMATION
INCLUDING ENTRY FORMS ETC.
CLICK HERE

Get cycling you bloody lunatics!

You heard it here first

We can confirm she is in town. Watch this space...

Regards,
Seth Oscar Rotherham

With your revolting day

Go to eBay.co.uk, and search for item number 5527273221.

from time to time

We get a pant load of emails from you lot. Thanking, cursing, kissing etc. It really is a rare event that one email can have our headquarters having a joint chuckle. Well, this young man really hit us at the right time. We don't normally publish emails readers write, but hey!

Here it is, From Dinesh Pillai (apparently)

Hello Boss, You know you not really my boss right it's just how us churra's call each other you know. Hey boss..and all that. Me I've been reading you'll site for some time now right and have been meaning to give you'll a shout tell you how grand it is but time my man is just too precious. So now I am sitting here by my cherries place Lenasia, you know Lenasia in Gauteng ? That place right. I'm sitting here and skeeming what I tell you what I want to say.

My main man, this site, you'll always putting white cherries on that thing right. Never any Asian cherries I've seen on that thing always only white cherries and white cherries. Not like I don't like them white cherries boss but don't go telling Veshrie (my one) that I like the white ones right - hey my man I'll lose my neck I tell you..one way ! But now why you not putting one two Asians on that thing for us darkies boss ?

I got one two chinas reading this thing too which is good cause we always phoning and vaaing how good it is boss, often you'll have me crying and lying on the floor laughing ekse…where you ? You bly in Cape Town right ? Next time I'm visiting my cuzzie there in Bellville I must come tune howsit there by you..

That's it from this side my main man - must vaai ! Maybe give me one times mention on the site boss…my chinas will be pissing ekse.

Nesh.

Whales for lunch! (this has not been spell checked so shhhh!)

Well the 2oceansvibe crew are off to Hermanus today! Why you ask? The people of Hermanus need us. We will be having lunch at about 13h30 at Bientang's Cave restaurant if you want to bring us gifts or simply touch our skin. Look out for the Dirty South caps.

Apparently they serve great whale burgers in Hermanus so we can't wait. Yes, we will be taking pictures of our adventures in Hermanus and will publish them tomorrow (that might be another fib but I'll do my best).

WE WILL BE CHANGING THE PICTURE OF THE MOMENT FROM HERMANUS DURING THE COURSE OF THE DAY. HATING THAT!!!!

You'll know we're in town when you spot the CA number plate with a small 'Ryan's Carwash' sticker on the back windscreen. This is another reason for our trip, to promote Ryan's carwash. It's too easy, it sells itself - just look at our car...... sparkling...

What the f*ck is Ryan's carwash, you ask?

I will tell you but I can't not be rude and ask you why you are so uncool? Do you still wash your car at Hannibals? Or, are you still going to our old sponsor, Starwash? I must laugh and tell you that you're doing yourself, and your car, a great injustice. WAKE UP PEOPLE!!

Finally there is a car wash place that really is cool. You will be greeted by the owner, Ryan, who drives the Black Ford Mustang you can see on the logo. Registration MUSTANG WP (obviously). Let me tell you something children, Ryan's Carwash is F*CKING cool. I got the R85 wash which was orgasmic but the cheapest is R45. Each wash type is named after various international Racing/speedway events.

In fact, let me give you the pricelist:

Pole Position R45
WASH
VACUUM
FRAGRANCE INSIDE OF CAR

Nascar R85
POLE POSITION +
VYNAL & RUBBER CLEANER /
CONDITIONER
MAG CLEAN
TYRE POLISH

Le Mans R105
POLE POSITION +
NASCAR +
HAND POLISH

Grand Prix R300
POLE POSITION +
NASCAR +
LE MANS +
ENGINE STEAM CLEAN
CARPETS STEAM CLEAN
SEATS STEAM CLEAN or
LEATHER SEATS CREAMED

They're on the third floor of the building on the corner of Waterkant and Bree street in Cape Town. The building is the one with the Tiger Wheel and Tyre on the corner. You don't have to pay for parking.

Ryan is busy finishing up and when final stages are complete there will be hot music pumping and a super cool deck in the middle of town with hot little angels serving you drinks in the sun. Feel free to pat yourself on the back as you laugh at how cool you have become. Ryan is cool and Ryan wears Dirty South caps as well. In fact he has ten on the wall. Why don't you have a Dirty South cap?

Shame.

YDE stores from November my little angels.

We'll put some Ryan's Carwash vouchers on the site soon. Be aware kids.

Seth Oscar Rotherham

to perfect his Afrikaans accent

If you have listened to the sound clip of the cop who lost his mind on 5FM whilst talking LIVE on air to super intelligent Mark Gillman then you will appreciate this breaking news we have come across.

If you haven't heard the sound clip you really have to get with the programme. We don't have 'last week on 2oceansvibe' clips for you to catch up on our vibe. It's like a soap opera kids, if you miss a week you will be a little lost. But after one or two episodes you will be right back on track. You will find out important things like Mark Gillman is actually Ruda Landman and Derek Watt's lovechild. You will also learn about the TBG (Tall Blonde Guy).

Anyway, we have two sound clips for you to download here if you haven't already. Before I give you the links for that I have to say something. I was blown to smithereens the other day when a good mate called me and asked how he should download something from 2oceansvibe.com. I pinched myself to check I was awake. If a friend of mine (under 40 years of age) who is exposed to the web etc. through me on a regular basis is clueless, then what will become of the millions of you lot out here? It'S TWO THOUSAND AND F*CKING FOUR! Get with the program. Are you not even remotely scared when you look around? You will disintegrate into the earth if you don't come right. phew..... take three breaths.....

For the bulk of you using a Windows PC, this is how you save something (please let us know if sign language lady from the news hasn't popped up on your screen at this stage. She is here to help you). Simply RIGHT-CLICK on the download link and then you will get a little menu coming up under where you right-clicked your muis. Then choose 'Save target as'. Then you can save it!!! F*CKEN A !! Choose where to save it (desktop is the easiest) and then you can load it directly from your desktop. It;s crazy man!

Ok so we got in touch with a sound expert who is confident that our 5FM raging lunatic police officer definiteLY learnt from the sound clip on this site called 'How to spoke English whiff a Afrikaans accent'. So we decided to put them side by side.

So, first CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD 'ENGLISH WITH AFRIKAANS ACCENT'

Once you have listened to that then.....

Then, CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD LUNATIC 5FM COP

You will enjoy it. And remember what we said after we first launched the 5FM clip:

A WORD OF ADVICE - IF YOU REAAAALLY WANT TO ENJOY THE CLIP, LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING - ALL THE WAY TO THE END. PLEASE LISTEN TO THE COP AT THE VERY END WHEN HE ASKS "WHERE". GILMAN DOESN'T ANSWER HIM. VERY EMBOERBOER COP.

Chezzie

Seth Oscar Rotherham

Does he not love us?

Hey big spenders!!

I think I should begin by apologising for blatantly telling a fib to you on Friday.I said I would give another update and I didn't. I lied to you and it eats me up inside. Are we cool?

I trust everyone has bought themselves new shades for the summer. Don't think people don't get bored of your sunglasses. They do. Go get a new pair before season kicks in. You know your shades make you look like a twat.

Jeeper Hudders! Saturday night was mental at Caprice. Everyone involved can give themselves a pat on the back. Very good performance I must say.

Play nicely with the shop assistants in Cavendish. Make up a younger sister and get the shop assistants to try on tops for you to get an idea of what to buy for your play-play sister's birthday. Go to Space Station and chat to 'Megan' - little angel! - Loads of fun.

VON WHO?

ONLY wear Dirty South caps this summer. Von Dutch caps are tired now and are as killed as that Maroon 5 song. The boys at Dirty South saw the obviousness of sponsoring the 2oceansvibe headquarters. Check out the webcam and watch us mould the summer with our bare hands, with Dirty South by our side. Caps worn on the webcam are available at YDE from November. Watch the caps change on our heads like magic. You'll always see the new ranges before they hit the shelves. Watch the webcam, see the future caps and imagine the coolness you will ooze when you have one. God you will be hot! Aaah!

We won't get into the rugby obviously. Let's just get behind Free State and hope they teach the revolting Bulls a lesson.

[insert rude paragraph about Joel Stransky and his blocked nose here]

What is Zanzibar like this time of year, by the way?

Mr 2oceansvibe 2004 entries are now closed. Please stop sending

Seth Oscar Rotherham

And be happy

Be still my little angels. This is to let you know that there will be many updates today. Yes, that's correct... many updates. So we thought we would pop this message up so you don't think we're leaving it for a day.

You really are such good angels. I think we should all turn to the person on our left and acknowledge the fact that we really are blessed.

Whatever, make it a round of Boiler Makers.

Seth Oscar Rotherham

Coming along nicely

Thanks to these two little angels for making our time on the beach so much more enjoyable yesterday. Keep it up. For those of you who missed it on the Picture of the Moment.

PHOTO OF THE MOMENT - YOU CAN'T MISS IT

Incorrectly spotted at Lansdowne Engen

INCORRECT TBG

The email we received came from Drew Peacock.

Sorry Drew, you've punished yourself. Let's look at this next pic from the archives for a comparison...

THE REAL TBG (TALL BLONDE GUY)

Breast stretch marks.... a big no no in Hollywood

CLICK FOR BIGGER PIC AND ARTICLE

Awful Plastic Surgery.com have the following to report:

"Pretty hair, pretty makeup, pretty dress, and ugly stretch marks on your chest from a bad boob job. Kate Beckinsale wins 'The Ugliest Breasts In Hollywood Award'. Those stretch marks on her breasts are pretty horrendous. There's not much of a natural hang or sag to them, the pair sit up too high on her chest."

FOR MORE CLICK HERE

Horrors! That hair style!

DONALD - BIG?

"Artist Albert Crudo, is causing a stir even greater than when he dressed Michael Musto in diapers back in the '80s. Crudo's $25,000 full-frontal nude portrait of Donald Trump (painted from memory?), entitled The Fondald: My Tower Is Bigger Than Your Tower, is currently hanging at Bliss, a vegetarian restaurant on Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg."

FOR MORE CLICK HERE (yes, including the full shot )

Paris does it properly, for the boys. THIRD PORN HOME VIDEO!

PARIS - MNANDI?

From trustworthy news source, News Of The World:

"GORGEOUS blonde heiress Paris Hilton was last night tipped for X-rated big-screen stardom—as the News of the World revealed she is embroiled in a shocking THIRD porn home-video scandal.

...the video —captured on three 45-minute tapes—is being hawked around America for £30,000 by a three-man consortium.

And Paris, the girl who swapped a life of ease for a life of sleaze, is now said to be cashing in on her seedy reputation, negotiating with a major X-certificate studio to star in a feature-length professional porn epic."

READ MORE HERE (scroll down the page when you get there to find the article)

In the meantime, if you're too useless to have seen the first and/or second videos, we found this collage (sp?) from her colour video. Click blur picture to see clear big picture. Big pic will open in a new window. (be careful in the office, kids!)

Thursday night!

Ok, for all you London 2oceansvibe supporters, here's one for you. Do yourselves a favour and go check out Graham John Murray on Thursday night. Feel free to walk up to him, slap him on the back and tell him you're a 2oceansvibe kid. He might even dedicate a song to you.

Seriously you lot, the guy is hot. He's an old friend of all of ours and will blow you away. Tell him you'll leave if he doesn't play 'I deserve' for you. Tell him Seth Rotherham said so. You'll love it.

So get your umbrellas, get your tube pass and your London A-Z and be there.

Furter, Edwards, Baigrie, Robertson, Skinstad, Abbott etc. do the necessary and organise a team to check it out. Send the bill for the first round and we'll consider looking after it.

Seth Oscar Rotherham
Editor

Mercury Live tonight

Check out a really cool live band tonight at Mercury Live. We've checked them.... we follow them.... we love them!

Be cool, go see a cool band. Tell your friends...

Two positions left !!!!

We have 18 names and photographs so far for Mr 2oceansvibe.com.

WE NEED TWO MORE. So if you are organising a pic of your mate you better GET A F*CKING MOVE ON. The first two to come in this week will take up the last two spots.

GO GO GO !!!!

And here's a look back at some of last year's characters.....

HURRY HURRY HURRY !!!

Email entries to editor@2oceansvibe.com

No word of a lie!

It's true, we promise. We received a tip off that the TBG would be driving through Camps Bay on Sunday morning with a group of 80 Harley Davidson driving maniacs. Well, can you bloody believe it, we got a shot of him!

Our best photo ever! (TURNS OUT THESE ARE FAKE. Don't cry)

Well, fuck me sideways. Enjoy these before and after shots of the Olsen twins! Sent in by Ryan A. ryan, you are now a member of the 2oceansvibe Hall of fame.

We never really took to the Olsen twin vibe. We had always seen toilet photos of the two revolting gremlins. But now............jeepers Hudders...... this shot is un be lievable!

KYK HOW LYK HY NOU !

Welcome twins.... enjoy your stay....

Just in case I don't write again today I hope you crazy kids have a good weekend. If you're cool we'll see you tonight at the October 8 party we chatted about a while back. We believe the TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) will be there!!!!! - HATING!!!)

If you're not cool, keep looking at this pic of the twins until Monday.

Seth Oscar Rotherham
Editor and lover
www.2oceansvibe.com

RIP Rodney Dangerfield

He made us piss ourselves in Caddyshack, Back to School and Natural Born Killers. He brought humour to many, particularly those who were stoned. But now Rodders has left us.

Rodney Dangerfield 1921-2004

CLICK HERE FOR MORE

So she can join the Lohan/Reid crew

"A year ago, Paris was telling her friends she'd never get breast implants -- no way. She loved being natural, but now she seems to be caving into peer pressure," a source tells Star.

Paris' new best friend, Mean Girls star Lindsay Lohan, 18, has shown a cleavage surge lately, and the partying duo's other bosom buddy, actress Tara Reid, 28, seems to have blossomed since April. With Lindsay and Tara flaunting their wares all over town, Paris, 23, appears to be feeling a little left out.

"Everywhere Paris looks, she sees cleavage," the source says. "So it's not a total surprise that she'd like to get a piece of that."

READ MORE HERE

And she says the 'N' word !

Keep your eyes peeled for Paris Hilton's latest tape - 12 hours worth of sex and drugs. All sounds pretty exciting but then she let's the team down. I wonder how hard it will will effect her?

"In a recently surfaced 12-hour videotape, Hilton is shown in a rather disturbing scene with two African-American men who ask her if she would model their fashion line.

Hilton, standing with pal Brandon Davis, is polite to the men, but calls them "dumb n--s" after they leave, according to British reporter Carole Aye Maung, who reviewed the tape."

Click here to read the full story at the New York Daily News

DOWNLOAD IT HERE!! HEAR IT FOR YOURSELF!!!

Well now you might remember the article below, 'October, we welcome you'. For those of you who didn't, I began the article like this:

"Before I write anything I have to say that 5fm has just blown me away! I hope some of you managed to catch the cop SCREAMING AND SHOUTING AND RANTING AND RAVING to Mark Gilman at 07h35 this morning!! OH MY GOD !! SHAME!!! Simple people should not lose there cool (A) and (B) particularly on the radio! God I'm still listening to him - YOU ARE EMBOERRISSING YOURSELF SIMPLE MAN. Imagine going home after being made to look like a tool by Mark Gilman!! I wouldn't go home. I'd end it right there. I'm trying to write some other stuff now but this simpleton is still going on. YOU ARE PUNISHING YOURSELF!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!! JUST SHOOOOOSH!!! SHHHHHH! Oh God I hope you guys have heard this guy's voice!"

Now here is another one of those moments where we need to stop and all agree that 2oceansvibe, and your favourite Editor, Seth Oscar Rotherham, has ONLY LOVE FOR YOU BABY! What is this moment, I hear you ask? What is this moment that tells all the readers that they are just too special and that it's all about them? Well it's quite simple....

We dived into the 2oceansvibe.com limitless cash supply and paid for a recording of the 5FM show from that day.....yes...in digital format!!!! R350 we paid for his clip......all FOR YOU!!! (That's 30 quid for you poms out there - a couple of tube rides at least).

I think I know some little boys and girls who are getting very excited!

So, let's not waste anymore time. Click HERE to download (right click and 'save target as' the Audio clip. It's in MP3 format and iT'S 7.37Mb big. We look forward to you lot writing in with your thoughts on the clip.

A WORD OF ADVICE - IF YOU REAAAALLY WANT TO ENJOY THE CLIP, LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING - ALL THE WAY TO THE END. PLEASE LISTEN TO THE COP AT THE VERY END WHEN HE ASKS "WHERE". GILMAN DOESN'T ANSWER HIM. VERY EMBOERBOER COP.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
www.2oceansvibe.com

Catch a wake up! Everyone thinks you suck!

We would like to now take this opportunity to give a big WAKE UP to Tuscany Beach Restaurant in Camps Bay. Yes, the restaurant next to Caprice. Yes, the one that looks, from the outside, like it could be a bit of fun. Upon closer inspection you'll find the restaurant is as appealing as my mouse pad. So, Tuscany Beach Management, have a good listen and jack yourselves up.

I thought my memory was failing me when another friend moaned about Tuscany Beach and I told him I was charged R30 for a glass of wine a while back. Some friends and I decided to give it another chance the other day for lunch and see what exactly went on there. Well.... I tell you....

Our waiter, who looked very much like he was going cold turkey off some drug was our first find of the day. We were told the specials were quite extraordinary and we needed to listen. We did. Whatever-his-name-was said there is an AWESOME SEAFOOD SPECIAL.

"WELL, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, THIS IS AMAZING....YOU CAN NOW ORDER 8 PRAWNS FOR ONLY Rxxxx. THEY ARE USUALLY Rxxxx AND THAT MEANS YOU'RE IN FOR A 40% SAVING. BRILLIANT!! IT REALLY IS QUITE INCREDIBLE"

Those were his words. Wierd.

I was expecting him to tell us we could have a free oyster if we order in the next ten minutes. Selling food like an infomercial is not normal. I looked at the wine menu and noticed some of the wines by the glass were less than R30. So either I was dreaming, or they had dropped their prices, or they bring the expensive wine if you don't specified. It turns out to be the latter as a very good friend informed me that her daughter was horrified a couple of weeks ago when they charged her R30 for a glass of wine. More R30 glass of wine stories have appeared since we first came across the revelation.

A friend was looking for something light to eat and after puzzling with the waiter for half an hour the waieter RELUCTANTLY brought out ANOTHER menu which had lighter (and, it just so happens, cheaper) meals on it.

I'm not going to go into the fact that all our meals were crap as I'm sure you are starting to reliase that that goes without saying. But I must just mention that the noise from the Waiters' horseplay in and around the bar was above irritating - all being watched by the manager who was slouched over a corner table next to the till, looking SO bored and SO over it. So much so it put me off my food - which was shit anyway.

Who do you think you are, Tuscany Beach? Take a leaf out of your neighbour's books - Caprice and Bayside Cafe. Stop rating yourself and try to make the most of your insane location. Stop ripping people off, in particular the locals. WE WILL EAT YOU ALIVE. Get some proper waiters and get a decent chef in and humble yourselves a bit.

Pathetic.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
www.2oceansvibe.com

What a cracker of a weekend!

I'll kick start this Monday with our latest joke (From PopBitch):

>> Suffer the little children <<
The truth about the Jesus Juice

A nine year old boy asks his mother,
"Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds
"Well God is both male and female."

This confuses the boy, so he asks,
"Is God black or white?"
"Well," she says, "God is both black and white."

This really confuses the boy, so he asks,
"Is God gay or straight?"
Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to
be consistent, the mother answers,
"Honey, God is both gay and straight."

At this the boy's face lights up with
understanding and he triumphantly asks...

"Is Michael Jackson God?"

_______________________

Hope you enjoyed that.....ok....moving swiftly on.

Great weather this weekend - had a helluva thrash at the Heineken Guess party in Bree street on Saturday night.

TAKE NOTE ORGANISERS OF BREE STREET PARTY
THAT IS THE LAST TIME WE DON'T GET SENT TICKETS

Even though we weren't sent tickets we managed to get in ok and indulge in the sponsored booze. Good party guys. My crew and I decided street parties are definitely the way forward. So there's a tip party people....

ORGANISE MORE STREET PARTIES...

That's it kids - I HAVE SUCH A SUPRISE FOR YOU LATER..... (see 'October we welcome you' article below)

You won't believe it. We really spoil you...

Seth Rotherham
Editor
www.2oceansvibe.com

Is he a gangster?

We can't quite work out how and where this picture was taken but the reader who sent it in said he managed to take it last week. Once again.... the ever elusive TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) is spotted.....

Amazing...what an enigma! What makes him tick?...

It had to

Well friends... the mist on the Atlantic Seaboard has decided to lift. hectic bru.....

On the 2oceansvibe Headquarters webcam?

Grant M writes in that he believes he has spotted the Tall Blonde Guy (See archives for more) in our 2oceansvibe Headquarters on the webcam! So he sent in the image he took from his webcam window. Good photoshopping there Grant! I enjoyed the orange arrow...

Nice one Grant - you gave it a good shot. The blonde guy at the corner of the screen (now wearing a hoodie if you're watching the live webcam). His name, as you can imagine...... is Hoodie . His original name is 'The Very Relaxed Confused Looking Guy'

It feels good

Before I write anything I have to say that 5fm has just blown me away! I hope some of you managed to catch the cop SCREAMING AND SHOUTING AND RANTING AND RAVING to Mark Gilman at 07h35 this morning!! OH MY GOD !! SHAME!!! Simple people should not lose there cool (A) and (B) particularly on the radio! God I'm still listening to him - YOU ARE EMBOERRISSING YOURSELF SIMPLE MAN. Imagine going home after being made to look like a tool by Mark Gilman!! I wouldn't go home. I'd end it right there.

I'm trying to write some other stuff now but this simpleton is still going on. YOU ARE PUNISHING YOURSELF!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!! JUST SHOOOOOSH!!! SHHHHHH! Oh God I hope you guys have heard this guy's voice!

Moving swiftly on.... we had a voting poll on the site for the last two weeks and here are the results. The question was:

With there being fewer English speaking rugby players than Afrikaans & 'players of colour', should there not be a quota system for English whites?

The results were as follows (after 200 votes):

Yes: 26%

No: 4%

Surely that's racist: 4%

How do you come up with this shit?: 39%

Why has this never been brought up?: 27%

Ok, so there you have it. So if you take into account that the last result is pretty much the same as 'Yes', I think we've made a point.

One more thing for now....

regards,

Seth Oscar Rotherham
Editor