El-cheapo's think they're getting away with it
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Having just spent some time in London and New York (another reminder that I lead a cosmopolitan lifestyle - adding to my string of attributes), there was one particular dining experience that got my attention. Being a fan of semi-hot foods, I have, along with my house mate, formed a Tabasco Sauce addiction. Before I go on I want to mention that they have produced a garlic Tabasco sauce which is amazing, as well as the Smoked Tabasco sauce. We took a while to get into the smoked one, but we're sold now. The Super Spar in Sea Point don't sell Mello and Mild squeeze mustard OR Carmel gherkins in a tin, but they have smoked Tabasco sauce - wierd. Then there is the green Tabasco sauce which is CALLED the 'Jelapeno Tabasco' but it's actually made from green peppers. I find that confusing. Is that illegal?

Tabasco Sauce - ask for it by name

Moving swiftly on, there was not ONE establishment in either London or New York that didn't have Tabasco sauce when I asked for it (I'm sure I could have juggled that sentence to use the word 'nor' which is a particularly funny word). Neither London NOR New York had restaurants that didn't have Tabasco sauce available. It was like a dream. They would usually bring both the original sauce AND the green one. This brings me to my next point. What the f*ck are our local establishments trying to prove? Tabasco Sauce is an institution and people ask for it for a reason. I am over the local sauces that are produced as a substitute, using humour to get over the fact that they cost less and you get more (volume). That's not the point.

"Hi, could I have some Tabasco sauce please"

"Oh! Ummm. Ummm"

"You don't have Tabasco sauce?"

"Ummm, no. But we..."

"You have a local suace which is twice the size and is called something silly and funny like "Dog's Balls Sauce" or "Bushman's Arsehole Sauce"?"

"Yes! We have Dog's Balls! Tee hee!!!"

"That's very funny, Flo. Now why don't you get that sauce and, whilst my friend hold's your eyes open, I'll pour it into your brain? Would you like that?"

Even better is when they say, "Yes, of course! I'll bring it right away!", and then they bring 'Dog's Fart Sauce". Do they think 'Tabasco' is a generic name?

Go ahead and buy your local sauces (yes yes it's awesome to support local products) and serve them at the table; but if someone asks for Tabasco sauce by NAME, make sure you have a bottle. You don't have to serve it to every table - just have it ready for people who are addicted. While you're at it, make sure the inside of the top is wiped clean.

Have you even seen a bushman's arsehole up close? Have you had a good look at a pair of Dog's balls? They're not nice - I don't think it's funny.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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