Be fair
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I've been thinking about this whole Tom Cruise / Katie Holmes thing and realised that I wasn't quite finished with that news story. I don't think we can all move along to the next story. I don't know why everyone is keeping it so hush hush. Why doesn't somebody say it? Why are we keeping what Tom did so hidden? Tom gave the boys a quick gut shot, didn't he? Fucking right he did. So unexpected from Tom. WHAMMO! In your face! I claimed him in Risky Business and we all wanted to be Maverick in Top Gun..... Then he pulls this shit out the bag, and probably pretends to be unaware.

Give yourself a clap, Tom

Don't worry, he knows he did wrong. I trust he will give a secret signal to the boys in his next movie, just to acknowledge that he knew that he fucked up. The boys would appreciate it, Cruiser.

Katie Holmes- Borderline Boiler

You see, Katie is in the league of the 'Borderline Boilers'. Borderline Boilers were introduced to me by a friend, Simon, in London. Boilers, being ugly women. So 'borderline boilers' are women that you're not sure about. You're not sure if they're hot or not. (Please don't email in asking if we've heard of the term 'Butterface'). People have different views of what is or isn't beautiful - but we all know what we're talking about when we refer to 'borderline boilers'. The best examples are famous women - their fame clouds your judgement and you think they're in the hot league - and they're not. I called Simon (who is now a very powerful man in Washington) to remind me of the examples we used to give.

The classic, Simon reminded me will always be Carol Vorderman. Her website, by the way, announces on the home page "Enter Carol Vorderman Online". Is that possible? Have we come that far? (yes, excused).

Vorders

Others included Gerri Halliwell, Sandra Bullock. We decided all of the Spice Girls should be in the list. The most controversial was obviously Chrissie Hynde.

The thing about borderline boilers is they are, in fact, attainable to the man on the street. Like you, chum. The same goes for you girls. You've seen the articles out there.

"Geri Halliwell spotted having a drink
with previously unknown, Sinclair Tweedie".

That's when we go, "WHO THE FUCK IS SINCLAIR TWEEDIE"

You see, Borderline Boilers KNOW they are Borderline Boilers and therefore don't go after the big guys. The Big Daddies. The Private Jet crew - the gang who get the supermodels. Flavio Briatore and the boys. The heavies. Prince Albert is definately a shoe in. And Tom Cruise. Brad's obviously there. So the famous borderlines go for more attainable goals. Guys like William H Macey and Darius. But the beauty of borderlines is they are attainable to the man on the street. So you can have your OWN piece of Hollywood. "My chick fucked Keanu". Lag. I reckon, with the right mood music and just the right amount of champagne, I would DEFINATELY have my way with Geri Halliwell!

The great thing about borderline boilers is this. You have your favourites. When you find yourself argueing about the fact that you think a particular actress/singer REALLY is hot, you've found one of your favourites.

Katie Holmes was one of everyone's favourite Borderline Boilers. Tom is VERY AWARE that she is a borderline boiler and has, unfortunatley, spotted her true allure. Instead of enjoying the big guns - the lingerie supermodels, the Sports Illustrated US swimsuit models, Jennifer Love Hewitt (out of leftfield) - he came after Katie. The youngster who hasn't been poisoned. (We chatted about this earlier this month. The poisoning that happens to Cape Town girls. Click HERE for article).

Love Hewitt. Love her.

In doing so he has stolen one of The People's borderline boilers. And one which, I might add, was EASILY attainable for most of the boys.

Don't blame Katie, guys. Its not her fault.

Nice one Tom. We'll look out for the secret signal in your next picture.

Seriously, cuck move buddy.

Childish.

Grow Up.

OF COURSE YOU FUCKING KNEW, TOM.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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ps. We may have a contact who has a list of literally hundreds of Borderline Boilers. Investigating.